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Starr,
You cannot beat yourself up over something like this, and certainly not turn it into a reflection of how much you cared for your baby. We've all been there, and I, for one, have been there exactly as you have. I lost our little guy 2 years ago after he was diagnosed with an abdominal tumour, and I just didn't have the money to pursue a course of treatment with him. I tried an anti-cancer diet, but of course it didn't work. I was with him when he died, and hardly a day has gone by that I haven't thought about him - tears never very far away.
10 days ago we brought a new little guy into our home, a kakariki, and while it's different - I had a good cry the first night - slowly, I'm remembering what great fun it was to discover the sweet personality of our new buddy. Today was a good day.
You think that it's impossible to open yourself up again as you once did, but the capacity for love is amazing. Congratulations on your new baby Rio, you will be so happy you brought him into your life.
Best,
Jacki
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