Kind of hesitant to post..........

[crittercall]

I'm beginning to wonder if some of us are just basically Gray people and some are not?

I am on my third one. The first was a Timneh (all three have been raised from doughbabies). She was wonderful and I would still have her right now I suppose had it not been for the miscommunication of "I didn't know you had the bird out" and "Ask before you open a door for the dogs". Gone forever and my heart was broken.

I am now on my third Congo, and both have had similar attitudes toward my husband and myself. No other humans in the house; three dogs, one cat, three other birds. People at the Bird Shop seem to think that the Eclectus is so dominant because he has been here the longest that he's causing the problem.

We cannot get this bird out of the cage without traumatizing him with a towel - which I HATE. He would for a while let me scratch his head and make kissing sounds, but now he has reached the point that whenever either of us goes by all he does is scream. He's a bit over two years old and when he was younger you couldn't have asked for a sweeter baby, but now.......And I am on coumadin (a blood thinner; also a rat poison) so I'm leery for more than one reason of getting bit!

A friend has offered to take the bird as a mate to a female he has (he would throw some gorgeous offspring!) but it appears that there is nothing that I could take in exchange that would not upset the Eclectus. My other two are a senegal and parrotlet and evidently not a problem.

I have been out of town and just picked them up yesterday, leaving the CAG for a couple of extra days. And it has been just too quiet around the house! The Eckie hasn't made nearly as much noise, hasn't talked nearly as much without his friend here.

What do I do???????

I'm having some major health issues right now (clotting time low, looking at having to have so not-fun tests run because there is some internal bleeding) so I am not in a position to take a baby right this minute. If we have any prayer warriors in this group put me on your list. In the mean time, what I am thinking is just growing worse from worry over this bird.

I would truly be interested in anyone's opinion. I don't want the bird to be unhappy, but don't want to the wrong thing by him either. I am not the type of person who says "It ain't right - get rid of it" - this has been going on for a long time. Anything constructive you can say would be of immense help.

Critter

[peeker]

Hi Crittercall. :) Sorry to hear you are stressing over a hard decision. I don't know enough about greys to help, but I will tell you the ekkie is most likely just quiet for a few days while he gets used to a change. I'm sure all three birds have noticed something is different. I hope you get some good advice!

[SavvyMoon]

Originally Posted by crittercall

I'm beginning to wonder if some of us are just basically Gray people and some are not?

I am on my third one. The first was a Timneh (all three have been raised from doughbabies). She was wonderful and I would still have her right now I suppose had it not been for the miscommunication of "I didn't know you had the bird out" and "Ask before you open a door for the dogs". Gone forever and my heart was broken.

I am now on my third Congo, and both have had similar attitudes toward my husband and myself. No other humans in the house; three dogs, one cat, three other birds. People at the Bird Shop seem to think that the Eclectus is so dominant because he has been here the longest that he's causing the problem.

We cannot get this bird out of the cage without traumatizing him with a towel - which I HATE. He would for a while let me scratch his head and make kissing sounds, but now he has reached the point that whenever either of us goes by all he does is scream. He's a bit over two years old and when he was younger you couldn't have asked for a sweeter baby, but now.......And I am on coumadin (a blood thinner; also a rat poison) so I'm leery for more than one reason of getting bit!

A friend has offered to take the bird as a mate to a female he has (he would throw some gorgeous offspring!) but it appears that there is nothing that I could take in exchange that would not upset the Eclectus. My other two are a senegal and parrotlet and evidently not a problem.

I have been out of town and just picked them up yesterday, leaving the CAG for a couple of extra days. And it has been just too quiet around the house! The Eckie hasn't made nearly as much noise, hasn't talked nearly as much without his friend here.

What do I do???????

I'm having some major health issues right now (clotting time low, looking at having to have so not-fun tests run because there is some internal bleeding) so I am not in a position to take a baby right this minute. If we have any prayer warriors in this group put me on your list. In the mean time, what I am thinking is just growing worse from worry over this bird.

I would truly be interested in anyone's opinion. I don't want the bird to be unhappy, but don't want to the wrong thing by him either. I am not the type of person who says "It ain't right - get rid of it" - this has been going on for a long time. Anything constructive you can say would be of immense help.

Critter

Hi Critter,

OK, take a deep breath, and here goes:

I think, ultimately, when one is faced with choices such as
the one you are facing now, we have to set aside some distracting factors:
set aside ego,
set aside guilt,
set aside "popular myths and opinions" (I'll explain that one further in a minute) and
do what's best for the bird; Always.

Do you honestly think your Grey is unhappy?
Because if you can answer that with an honest "yes, I believe he is unhappy...." then it sounds like it might be best if he was rehomed with someone he takes a shine to.
But please, Do not give him away for Free!
Put up fliers or index cards in local supermarkets, gas stations, the public library, and other places with public bulletin boards. Put an ad in a local newspaper or two.
Sell him -for a very reasonable amount- to someone with prior large bird experience, and someone he reacts well to. As well as you can expect him to react anyway.
This will take some time and careful screening on your part, but if you want the bird to be happy, it is worth the effort.

Maybe it's not "you" per se that isn't right for a Grey. Maybe it's the Grey that's not right for your lifestyle/environment. There is probably another
type of parrot out there that would fit in better. But first things first; you need to decide what to do about the Grey you have now.

About those popular myths and opinions;
those are phrases and "little wisdoms" that folks hear all the time on
bird boards and chats. Things like:
"Every bird's first home needs to be his 'forever home'... "
"Every bird can be turned around; turned into a loving, friendly bird with time and patience..."
"A bird suddenly decides it doesn't like you anymore, well it must be something you did to scare it, or upset it..."
"Everytime a bird is rehomed, it does irreversible damage to the bird..."

These things are not always true.
Probably not even true half the time. :icon_smil
But they are popular phrases and sayings that make people feel 'good'
about criticizing other people who -for many reasons- need to rehome a bird, or feel they just can't "hit it off" with a bird they've chosen.

So I say again (in a gentle voice and with compassion) examine your heart and if you think the Grey needs to be rehomed in order to be happy (or happier) then by all means do what YOU think is best....

Savvy*


PS: there is no guarantee that giving your bird to someone with a female
Grey will lead to a happy bonding and breeding between those two birds.
Besides, your grey isn't even really mate-ready yet, at 2 yrs old...
but I could be wrong about that??

[kensbuns]

I agree for the most part but about the free part. If you find someone with good bird knowledge and is willing to give him a good home then by all means give him away. But dont give him away for free to just anyone. I see nothing wrong with giving the bird to someone for free if they are qualified to take care of it and is willing to go the extra mile. Allegra was given to me for free and I have proved to be a good Mom to him. Soo I really dont agree with that part. But yes I believe the Grey must be rehomed. Sorry

[crittercall]

Thanks for the advice, guys. You have made me feel somewhat better (I'm a worrier by nature so I don't think anything is every totally right with me!).

The person I have talked to about "giving" him to is a breeder who owns the bird shop where I board all my birds when I go away. He says he has a female who would just love to have him and would give me one of their babies - which is when I said No, I don't want another gray. I just love them and think they are beautiful (I have a similar picture of him and my Eckie as the one posted) and Henry (the Eckie) is getting more talkative - he just whispers a lot.

Anyway, he has offered to trade me for anything of equal value that I want. I told my husband tonight that right now I would lean more toward another senegal and a couple of cages than anything else! I love double yellow headed amazons, but have been told that the amazons can be as much trouble as the gray.

I truly miss the CAG right now. We've carried on so many conversations, etc. But you are right in that I really need to sit down and make myself a list of pros and cons and decide what is right for the bird and not for myself.

At this point all that happens when I think of it is that my stomach starts hurting. Geez, the bird could ask me if Henry was talking about him, why can't he talk to me about this?

Thanks again for the input. I understand the pros and cons about selling vs giving away - Henry, the parrotlet and the senegal were all given to me; I every Gray I had. Coincidence????

Will let you know more as I know more. Any other input is appreciated.

Critter

[tattdpixie]

Hi! Sorry to hear about all of your troubles. I wanted to ask..the person your thinking about giving him to..is he going to keep the bird or turn around and sell it? The last thing the bird needs is to be moved around a couple of times. You might be better off taking the time to find someone yourself. Someone you think will spend time with the Grey. It also might make you feel better about the situation. (Only if there's a chance the owner of the shop might sell)

[The Outlaw]

If I may interject. I recently was the recipient of a CAG from a friend of a friend. He was in the middle of a lot of life changing things (new job, new house, upcoming wedding) and brought me his very plucked, 4 year old female. He loved her passionately, but couldn't bare watching her self-destruct. I was supposed to board her for about a month until he moved into his new home. I made no attempt to bond with her and kept my distance. I had 9 other birds at that time whom I adore and play with all the time. I kept her cage door open so that she could come out at will. She wasn't mean to me, but didn't seem like she especially wanted the pleasure of my company.

On the 10th day, while I was typing away, I noticed a little grey fluff at my feet. I looked down and there she was, looking up at me. I bent down, offered my hand and she immediately stepped up. She sat happily on my shoulder and has been doing so ever since. In fact, she resents the time I spend with my own birds.

Ultimately, the owner reconciled himself to the fact that his life would never be the same again. His new wife had no problem with Cleo, but Cleo was simply happier here. She is now a permanent resident. I am pleased to say that she refeathered and up until a month ago, was in excellent feather.

Last month, I helped a dying neighbor on a daily basis. This seemed to really upset Cleo and she pulled feathers again. My neighbor has since passed, and Cleo is now slowly refeathering.

Sometimes REALLY loving something means letting it go. If I thought for one moment that Cleo would be happier elsewhere, I'd happily hand carry her there. It has to be a mutual love story. I think you know that you probably should rehome your bird. There are tons of people just waiting for the opportunity to offer a good home to a young grey. They are very devoted to this particular species. Hopefully, you'll find that special person and be able to look back with a happy heart for having made that love connection for your bird. I do think, however, that a free, young grey is a bad idea. Make it a good buy, but absolutely make the new owner COMMIT to the costs involved.The problem with giving birds away is that people start to collect them. Before they realize it, they have too many birds and can't afford ANY of them. JMHO

THE OUTLAW

[Mela]

Nancy, I couldn't agree with you more. I had to rehome my u2 casper. I had him since he was a baby and weaned him. He was the most wonderful bird. He was actually more like a dog. He loved everyone. All of a sudden he started to mature at about 4 yrs old and became extremely mean to my daughter. My daughter has a mild case of cp and she always loved him and was very good to him but he bit her once and since then he started to really attack her. Every time he saw her he would go nuts screaming in full attack mode, jump off his perch and chase her. It was only a matter of time before he really hurt her. I started to keep him caged more and more and the screaming got worse and worse. I tried everything but in the long run I had to make the decision to rehome him. He was NEVER mistreated or abused ever. He just didn't like young kids. especially girls. Even my neices were in danger. A good friend of mine who has an m2 and a grey asked if she could take him for a weekend sleep over and kept him for a few days. She has no children by the way. In the long run she ended up with him. He is sooo happy and has plenty of time out and is doing great. After she had him a few mths she came for a visit with him. The second he saw my daughter he went nuts and jumped and lunged at her. I don't know if it was a jealously thing or not but I finally had to give him the chance to be happy. I couldn't be selfish I had to do what was best for him before he became a damaged bird. I see him at least once a month and he loves on me but he is bonded to her and her husband.
So yes sometimes a bird just isn't a good match for your house hold.
Whewwww It is just almost a year and I am just getting over the guilt and shame I felt for doing what I did. I feel that when I get a pet it is for life but with birds sometimes you it just isn't so.
I since have addopted a cag who lived with about 30 birds at his 2nd owners home. He received no human attention and just existed. I took him home on a trial bases and couldn't be happier. Max started talking, he sits on my shoulder, takes a shower with me and kisses me to no end. He even is good with my daughter. I know this was a long post but I now know not to feel guilty or feel like I let him down. If I would have kept him then I would have let him down.
Good luck in finding your grey a home. Mela