Screaming parrot repost

[jelandusn]

Hi, I posted this in the training section and didn't get much of a response so I thought I'd try here. I really need to find a solution because it's causing stress in our marriage. My husband is stressed too and it's making him sick. He really doesn't handle stress well right now and I feel guilty for putting him through it. I've been given a month and if there's no change I'll have to find him a new home. My husband doesn't like him so he doesn't even try to understand or be patient. What my poor bird has gone through was very hard on him and what frustrates me is that I did it so my husband could have quiet. I knew it would be hard for him and I knew there would be behavioral problems but if I had know my husband would react like this and that he would be in danger of losing his home, I wouldn't have left him. Sorry about that rant. I'm just so mad that my poor bird is going through this. It will just be the worst thing in the world to have to find a home for him because I'm in Korea and people here just don't treat animals well. Of course there are exceptions but it's mostly with cats and dogs. Birds are meant to be kept in cages. Small ones at that. Anyway, here's my problem...

I am new here and the happy owner of a wonderful African Grey. He, (I don't know for sure if he's a boy), is very polite and has never bitten hard enough to draw blood. I've had him for about 4 months and he was supposedly 1 1/2 years old when I got him. We bonded very quickly and now I can do anything to him. I can even flip him on his back or put a harness on him to go outside. Recently, however, I had to take him to my sister in law's house. My husband had brain surgery and we went away to the country to help him recover in a stress free place. He has bonded very well to me but not to anyone else. He bites anything, (people or animals), that comes near him. Because of this, he didn't get let out of his cage very often when he was at my sister in law's. Since he was in his cage all the time he became very vocal. Since he was so loud they put him on the patio all by himself where he couldn't see anyone. He was alone for one month and was very very happy to see me when I finally came back. My problem is, now he freaks out and makes the most annoying high pitched loud noise I've ever heard if I get more than 3 feet from him. Even if he can still see me, if I'm more than 3 feet away he makes so much noise! He's happiest when I'm holding him but I can thankfully put him down close to me. When I leave the house, he screams until I come back even if it's 4 hours later. He never used to do this. He was quiet when I was gone and would happily play by himself even if I wasn't in sight. My question is, what can I do to stop this. I don't think ignoring him will work because that's what started the problem. I give him tons of attention and try not to leave him alone, but this is making things kind of hard for me. I don't want to make him more insecure, but I don't want to have a bird that's so clingy. I really hope someone has a suggestion. The only thing I can think to do is just take him everywhere I go for a while. He really likes going on trips so it wouldn't be too stressful for him. I did that with my dog who had horrible separation anxiety as a puppy. He finally out grew it and is ok being left alone. Do you think this will work? He's been back for only a week but we are already slowly going insane. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated. Right now I'm teaching him to use words instead of screaming. When I hear him say step up I instantly give him my finger. I want him to associate using words with me coming to get him instead of screams but this only works if he can see me. If I'm out of sight he just screams and doesn't use any words except peekaboo. When I hear peekaboo I say it back because I'd rather hear that than screaming but its not working. I'm also teaching him to ask for water and I'm going to try and teach him some tricks a little later when things calm down. Anything else I can do to help him realize that I'm not going to leave him for a month every time I get out of arms reach?
Jonetta

[ndeben]

you can only reward good behavior, work with him, I know it will be hard, but you will have to work on him feeling secure again.

[xafsmom]

I'm not really even partially able to understand the Grey Mind, as I've only had Izzy for a short while and Lilly's just a fuzzy football still... but just curious, if your husband hates him, maybe he's feeling that animosity and reacting to it? I know my Izzy is extremely empathic and even needs reassurance his special person is ok when she just naps. Does your husband taunt the bird out of your sight or anything? I'm not suggesting he's a bad person lol, I'm just trying to think of possible reasons. Have you tried moving his cage somewhere else, maybe remove any toys he's frightened of? /thinks thinks...

[Lisa B]

the problem is two fold.

the bird is frightened that you will leave him again, thus his contact calls.
no living creature wants to live in solitary confinment, and thats what it was like being on a porch all by himself for a month. They dont forget.
Work on contact calls with him when you are home. it could be a gentle whistle or a soft hello.

He is also sensing your husband feelings towards him. Once the negative thoughts stop, things might chance. A week is not all that long for him to settle in again. Remember he has been through alot as well, and his screams are the only way to tell you.

good luck and please let us know how things progress.

[Bela]

I agree on the prior post...and this is tough because you're dealing with multiple issues.

I have a rehome grey, acquired at 5 yrs of age; I was the bird's 4th owner...she had problems psychologically just from being shipped to a new home every year. All greys, I swear, go through the annoying noise bit. The way I got thru to her was to whistle the theme song to the Imperial March..yes, I like star wars. She has no clue what star wars is but I knew she could mimic it and it was less annoying than the sound of the smoke detector low battery indicator beep she managed to pick up and like...she doesn't speak, much, but can mimic most sounds. So I just kept up on the sound I knew she could learn. Sure enough, she learned it and it is the call we do to each other while I am at home. A bird (most wild birds) will call out to the other birds in the flock, or a potential mate. they await a response from the flock ... you are the flock. If you repeatedly make a noise, they will learn that as the "call". Greys are flock birds and your bird is likely trying to call out to the flock (you) to know where you are and that all is ok. My other grey does "I love you" to which I respond "I Dooooo". this goes on ALOT while I am home but I "taught her" to do this by constantly saying it...both parts...so that she learned the "i love you" is the call, and the "I doooo" is the response. you can modify that to whatever word or sound you would like. Not all birds speak words...so you may be limited to sounds. I do that with the other grey with the whistling of the song, but same thing applies.

I know it's tough and I wish you luck, but you can get through this.

[jelandusn]

Thanks so much for the replies! He seems to be doing ok. My husband doesn't sneak and taunt him. I'm trying to teach him peekaboo as a contact call but he's stopped saying any words when I'm out of site. I could handle it if he only screamed when I left the room but he screams even when I am in the same room. If I'm more than 3 feet away he gets nervous and starts screaming. If he's alone he really gets upset. He even calms down when my husband comes in the room even though he doesn't like my husband. That's how much he dislikes being alone. Thankfully I only work 2 days a week and don't start working again until next thursday so hopefully he will start to calm down more.

[mmr]

Originally Posted by jelandusn

peekaboo as a contact call but he's stopped saying any words when I'm out of site.

I don't have a grey but...My macaw is more vocal when I am around the corner or just on the couch. He will sit there and go through his whole 45 word voacb! LOL

I completely agree with Lisa B. He is terrified that you will leave him again. You need to show him that you aren't going anywhere. How long has he been back home now? Explain or at least try (if he is like my hubby there is not too much compassion for a ungodly loud parrot screaming) to hubby the situation. Even print out the posts on here. Can you move your baby further away from where hubby likes to go? As far as screamming I think he is seeing if you are around. Even just talking to him across the house...does he stop when he hears your voice? Do go running to him everytime he screams as that will cause the problem to worsen.

Ask Hubby if he will give it longer than just a month? I think it might take a little longer (depending on the bird). Not that you have lost the bonding, but he is so worried that you will leave him again. Maybe taking him for by by's will be a good thing, especially if he likes them (my B&g LOVES CAR RIDES).

Or if push comes to shove wiould your hubby honestly take your beloved baby and get rid of him himslef? My hubby threatens but I also know that he knows how much my B&G and my Mombrella mean to me and he would be risking a divorce! In my house (even though I madly love hubby) I always tell him to not make me choose because he won't like the choice I make!! LOL it is a running joke, yet he knows I will also not give up my babies and it would be an never ending battle for him! I think things can be worked out. Has your hubby always not liked him? Or is it just recent? Also was hubby included on the decision when you decided to take him in? There could be some animosity with him towards the bird if he wasn't.

There are so many factors in every situation that sometimes the person in the situation doesn't think of! (Not saying you do).

Best of luck. A little more info on the questions I asked might help me and others try to help you more, especially with the hubby situation.

I hope he is doing well.

[jelandusn]

Hi mmr,
I'll try to answer all of your questions because I really need help. Yesterday was the worst day ever! I had to do a lot of cleaning so I couldn't stay within 3 feet of him and he screamed the whole day. I finally just couldn't take it anymore and put on my ipod and listened to music. I could still hear him but it was a little easier. That's the screaming I'd really like to fix. How do I get him to stop screaming when I'm still in the same room? I try to talk to him and tell him what I'm doing and that I'm to busy to play but it doesn't work. To his credit, though, he does start off saying step up but when I tell him I can't he starts screaming. So, as to your questions...
He has been back a little over a week. The place where he was wasn't horrible but he was alone a lot. My sister in law tried to make friends but he just wasn't in the mood for new friends. Her husband, (my husband's brother), has even less patients so that's why he was banished to the patio. I have tried to explain to my hubby. I even used our dogs as an example. While he was having surgery, we had to keep the dogs in the kennel for 2 and a half weeks. They were treated so badly! They weren't even taken outside to go to the bathroom! Our big dog was tied up on a short chain and every time I came to visit his food and water was just out of reach. Our little dog was kept in a cage without food and water and had to sleep in his own waste. I tried to visit as much as I could and for the first week I visited every other day. During the visits they took pretty good care of them. Our little dog was always running around free but the big one was always chained. On my last visit I made the mistake of telling them that I wouldn't be able to visit the dogs anymore and I think that's when they started treating them worse. Anyway, to make a long story short, the dogs came back with a lot of bad habits and were very nervous. It didn't help that we had to get them shaved because they were so matted. Our big dog used to pace back and forth which was so annoying but my husband was so patient. Our little dog was glued to me and always wanted to be picked up even outside which is the complete opposite of how he used to be. He never complained once about the dogs. Even after explaining how Kakashi, (our bird), needs to overcome the bad experience just like the dogs did he is still not patient at all. But, if push comes to shove, I don't think I'll have to find a home for him. He knows how much I love him and how much it would hurt to get rid of him. Also, I think things will get better in a month because my husband will go back to work then. If he's at work he won't have to hear screaming all day and at night I can hold him and be close to him. When I'm out of the room he stops when I come back but not when he hears me. When he sees me he stops and starts saying step up. If I don't go to him then he starts screaming again. If I'm in the house, I just take him to whatever room I'm in. I try not to leave him alone. He still screams even if he can see me. I seriously can't be more than 3 feet away. I even try giving him a treat before I step away. He eats happily until I take a step away then he looks nervous. If I keep going he drops his treat and starts scream. Kakashi was always meant to be my bird. He bought him so that I would have company when he was away on business trips. He was a birthday present for me so hubby was in on the buying process. In fact, I had to agree to rehome my fish and frog in order to get him. In the beginning he picked him up twice from the floor but didn't like the way his feet felt and quickly lost interest. Now Kakashi won't let him get anywhere near him so even if my hubby wanted to become friends I don't think it's possible. I was really hoping to not have a one person bird but we don't have company ever and I don't want him to bite a stranger on the street so he is never around anyone but me. I also picked a grey because they're known for not being clingy. I really wanted a cockatoo but I knew my lifestyle wasn't good for a clingy bird so I went with a grey.

[my-africangrey-echo]

I think he needs more time to recover from his time away from you. Don't give up on him keep talking to him and he should settle down. Do you have any type of portable perch so you can take him from place to place with you. That may help too..