Question about rehoming...

[Meeshegirl]

Hello all,

I'm a newbie... just joined. I have a question. I have a 2½ year old severe macaw that my ex husband and I got when he was 2 months old. I hand fed him and weaned him. My ex and I have not been together for almost a year and he is trying to get "custody". We are trying to work things out and I've sent him several reasons as to why Max should stay with me... the impact it will have on my children (who had to give up their dog during this whole process) and the impact it would have on Max. My ex left me for another woman who has two small children. I know that he will not accept them or the girlfriend. He would be the one who would have to take care of Max and he will not do that. He will ignore him or yell at him when Max will screech (he has done that before). He never cleaned the cage and it was very difficult to get him to even give Max fresh water, let alone give him some fresh fruits and veggies.
I do plan on calling the exotic vet in my area to find out, but found this site tonight doing research and thought I'd see if anyone here could give me any information on how this will affect Max. I know it will have a very negative impact on him and I have tried to explain that to my ex and we'll see what he has to say about it. I would like to arm myself with lots of information for him and, if necessary, a judge.

Thanks so much in advance,

Michelle

[svolk]

I'm sorry that you're in this situation. I'm not sure what advice I can give, but I think that consulting an avian vet is a good thing to do - maybe even getting your ex to speak with the avian vet. Make a list of each and every responsibility - food, cage cleaning, lighting/bed time, socialization, etc. Maybe present this to your ex. I agree that arming yourself with every possible bit of info is the best thing to do.

Maybe there is something from a legal standpoint that can be done? Is there any proof that you could use to justify that you've done more/paid more for Max's care?

I do think that Max will be affected by a major change, and especially if your ex is not willing to do all that is necessary for Max's well-being.

[Valo's Moirana]

if i may, i'd like to ask a few things:

*) does the "new" woman want the bird? i mean, despite the fact that i agree with you about her having a hard time, if she really WANTS to work with the bird, there's a chance that there is bonding eventually IF she wants to help out

*) neglect is a form of parrot abuse... if you're absolutely sure that your ex will not properly care for the bird as well as NOT SPEND ENOUGH TIME with the bird, you can bring that up too.... but that's a hard one to prove.

*) how's your standing with your ex? are you talking, or do you really need to arm yourself for a judge? if second, go get a bunch of books - each and every single one of those books will mention how important it is for the bird to spend time with the "flock" and argue how your ex in his new living situation (esp if the other people in the house are not interested) won't be able to provide that.... one excellent resource is dr. irene pepperberg... see if you can find something by her, or contact her directly to get her to argue for you (she has published in recogniced scientific journal with impact factors around 3.5-4 which is quite respectable)

*) vet is always a good way to go.... especially if he can stand up for your attitude and willingness to care for max....

on a final note: THIS IS WHY MY BF AND I SIGNED ON WHO'S GETTING THE BIRD IF THE RELATIONSHIP WOULD END.... (stuff like this is better regulated IN ADVANCE)

[Meeshegirl]

Thanks for the responses!

I don't know about the new girlfriend, if she wants Max or not. She also has two small children and we all know how curious kids are and I'm afraid they'll get their fingers pinched. He will grab someone's finger and move it away from him. He's not aware of how hard it grabs.

My ex and I do not speak other than via email about anything that's necessary. This may end up in front of a judge and I know that he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

I can prove he has neglected an animal. He had a German Shepard taken from him by animal control. After the separation he moved to the mother in law apartment attached to the house. He left her in the main part of the house and didn't bother to take care of her. That responsibility fell on myself and my kids (who are not his) because he knew I wouldn't neglect her. Well, it got to the point where I couldn't do it anymore, her health failed so rapidly that she needed to be put down and he refused to do it. He wasn't helping out financially either and I could not afford to feed 2 dogs (I had a Rottie as well), my bird, a cat and 2 ferrets.... along with my kids and myself. I couldn't clean up after her anymore either (she had no control of her bowels) so I moved her to his side of the house. My kids and I did make sure she had food and water because he couldn't even do that. Eventually animal control was called and she was taken from him. I was so upset I was put in that situation and animal control tried to say it was my fault as well but once I explained what happened and they saw my animals were fine, they didn't say anymore.

In the past, he has gotten mad at Max and grabbed him by the feet and thrown him in his cage. He's also thrown him across the room. He would not make sure Max had fresh fruits and veggies even one day a week. He is not capable of taking care of an animal.

I will definitely look up that author and plan on calling the vet today. He's a very prominent vet in the area and well respected.

I just hope that my ex will see that this would not be good for Max! I hope he really thinks about it long and hard.

[Stizby]

Are you in the midst of divorce proceedings and have an attorney? If so, you need to make your attorney aware of the situation immediately. Who has Max right now? Do you or your ex? If you have Max, what steps has your ex taken to gain custody? If your ex has Max, then you will likely need to get the judge involved quickly. You could speak to your attorney about filing a motion to regain custody of Max for all the reasons you have stated. Unfortunately, pets are often used as emotional weapons or pawns in a divorce -- if your ex knows how much you want Max, he may use Max as a means to get something he wants from you. Sad to say, but it happens quite a bit.

[Valo's Moirana]

kelly.... i was desperatly waiting for your response..... thx

i agree though... i was meaning to post earlier that i'd take the initiative to gain custody.... meaning fight for max before he starts fighting for him.....

[Meeshegirl]

Max is with me and has been from the first day we got him. I have been his caregiver, along with my children. I, unfortunately, do not have a lawyer and the ex and I just started discussing the bird so he could actually see that removing Max from his home would not be in his best interest.. who knows. I sure hope so!
My ex has not bothered to help with the expenses for Max nor has he even bothered to even email to see how Max is doing. He hasn't bothered to do anything for the bird since he told me he wanted a divorce.
I did talk to the avian vet today who said that a judge could call his office to confirm how detrimental it would be to take Max from his family and I think that if it comes to it, I'll see if he'll write a statement to that fact. I'm sure he will, he's a great vet and cares about the well being of all animals.
I'm sure my ex is just using Max to get back at me and take the one thing I really want but it won't work, I will not give up... I care about that bird way too much. It would be one thing if he was attached to the ex more than me, I'd let Max go but it's not that way!

[Kevin]

Originally Posted by Stizby

Are you in the midst of divorce proceedings and have an attorney? If so, you need to make your attorney aware of the situation immediately. Who has Max right now? Do you or your ex? If you have Max, what steps has your ex taken to gain custody? If your ex has Max, then you will likely need to get the judge involved quickly. You could speak to your attorney about filing a motion to regain custody of Max for all the reasons you have stated. Unfortunately, pets are often used as emotional weapons or pawns in a divorce -- if your ex knows how much you want Max, he may use Max as a means to get something he wants from you. Sad to say, but it happens quite a bit.

I have heard this before and have seen it first hand. Most likely an alterior motive involved.

[Vega]

I think having a copy of the Animal Control report would do WONDERS should he want to take things to court!

[Tullysmom]

I honestly can't imagine a judge taking Max away from your children. I would totally play that card in court. The divorce to the children will be traumatic enough, their lives should have as little disruption as possible. Taking away their beloved pet hits below the belt. No judge is going to do that to your kids. I can however see the possibility of you having to pay for half of a new bird for him. Possibly. If that's something that you can afford right now I'd offer it too him. If he takes that deal you need him to sign a notarized statement saying that he accepts. Although this whole thing seems like more of a ploy to get back at you. And under no circumstance allow your soon to be ex to take your bird from your possession. EVER. Not until you have signed papers my dear. Pets, under the law are considered property and you need to retain possession of that property. Since the ex is out of your house change the locks. Today. I agree that you also need to get any all reports from the humane society about his past dealings with them. And get a statement from your avian vet. Compile all receipts from vet visits and toys that you got from petsmart, any and everything that you've paid for Max. Even bank statements that show where you've spent money on him. That will prove that YOU have always cared for the bird, not him. Get your ducks all in a row right now. Good luck to you!