Feeling Guilty

[LtlWngdAngl]

I don't know if anyone else with multiple birds has this problem BUT...

I FEEL SO GUILTY! Most of my birds don't like to be cuddled, held, pet, etc....actually, really, only Cayo and Voodoo will cuddle and interact with me. Oscar does usually, but not for long, and hasn't lately at all (hormonal season). So, naturally, I feel like most of my "quality time" is spent with Cayo and Voodoo. It's not that I don't WANT to spend that kind of time and have that connection with my other fildren, it's that I can't....and I feel guilty about it!
Does anyone else have that problem? I feel like I'm playing favorites, and I don't mean to!

[mamalovesrico]

Nina, I feel your pain somewhat. I don't have multiple birds but I have a dog that has been by my side for the past 11 years and very devoted to me. When Rico came into my house, 2 weeks later I thought this was the biggest mistake I ever made and wished I didn't have the bird because he was taking much of my attention away from my dog. And my dog always looked so sad. Well, over the past 5 months I try to include my dog with Rico and I when it's playtime and it works out pretty well. It is for this reason that I will not get any more animals including birds. I would love to have another bird but won't do it to the one I have now and to my dog. I just simply can't give another animal the attention I think it deserves.
Do your other birds act like they get upset because you spend more quality time with the two? Would they even want the attention? Don't be so hard on yourself. I understand what your saying though.

[The Outlaw]

Hmmm. No, I can't say that is the case here. However, I think much of it has to do with the kinds of birds you have. My macaws are extremely tactile and need lots of attention. My amazon is content to be cuddled and talked to whenever I'm available. My greys compete for my attention. The quaker is silly and everyone interacts with him all day long. My Ekkie is the one who probably gets the least amount of cuddle time. She really doesn't want me to cuddle her. She loves Miss Lily and my daughter though and when she hears their voices, she is transformed into a very animated bird. I don't think she's unhappy when they aren't here, but she's delighted when they are. I have to force myself to spend equal time with my fids. Its obvious my macaws are my favorites. I can't help it, they simply are. I love them all, however, and no one is going anywhere unless THEY choose someone over me who feels the same way about them. Feeling guilty won't make their lives better. Just make sure that whatever time you give is totally devoted to them as individuals and you'll be surprised at how well they will be. I would never pass any of my birds without talking to them and usually I scritch them, too. It only takes a few seconds, and it makes them feel special. They ALWAYS make me feel special.

THE OUTLAW

[CACPioneer]

I can relate. My male budgie (Buddy) and I have a teriffic bond. This is because he was an only bird for about 4 months. Lexi, my female budgie, was immediately introduced to Buddy (I know...stupid me...no quarantine), which greatly reduced any chance for a bond. She is slowly becoming more social with me, but Buddy is still my little baby. He will stay on my shoulder and snuggle, will fly over to see me, and when I go see them at their cage, he'll run up and smother me with kisses and hang on every word I say. For this reason, I, too, feel that I spend more time with him than Lexi. But, as Lexi's relationship with me improves (ever so slowly), I am spending more time with her. I spend individual time with each bird every day, but Lexi flies back to the cage after about 10 minutes (and that's a big improvement!), but I literally have to pry Buddy off of me after 15 minutes. But I do still feel guilty, but this is simply how they want it. If they wanted to change things, I would follow suit. I'll do whatever they need me to do to make them happy. :icon_smil

[TooLover]

I can certainly relate Nina. Remember I have cockatoos who are known to be cuddlers. However, only 2 of them want cuddling. Because Buck has so many issues and will allow only me to cuddle him, I find myself cuddling him the most. The others let me know when they want their "mommy" time and Buck has learned, finally, how to "share" me.

[Willow]

HI Nina,
I know how you feel. My Cuban boys don't really want much interaction from me at all. Mulberry is a very shy bird and I know I make him nervous - when he was flighted he never let me step him up. Cypress enjoys a scritch but you have to watch him, especially this time of year, as he likes to sucker you in and then go for blood. ;~) They are happiest when they are hanging out together, so I don't force myself on them. I had their wings clipped, because Cypress was flying at my face definitely looking to do some remodeling, and I had Mulberry done then so we could work on getting him more comfortable with me. He steps up readily but *leans* away and jumps off as soon as a perch comes near, poor guy. (This is the guy who was in a bird store cage until he was 2.5 years of age, never handled after being weaned.) However, he will come and hangout nearby me. Sometimes coming over and if I put him on my arm he will hang out and play with a bottlecap or other such neat thing. I don't think they are unhappy but I wonder if it might be better if I simply took them away from all the other birds and did one on one time with each of them anyway. Or perhaps, the yare perfectly content with their own friendship. Mulberry spent his whole time in the birdstore in a cage next to Cypress, so he has known him all his life.

[yehudasf]

BS"D

Most of us who are priveleged to share our lives with multiple psittazens usually have to come to terms with this dilemma. For me the clearest example was when one of my hens (a greenwing macaw [ara chloroptera]) started making pitiful noises in her nest box. I thought some horrible thing had happened, i.e. egg binding, injury, mate violence. Not the case. When I opened the booby hatch (so called, because only a boob would open a door on a broody Macaw pair, & expect to keep their face) on her nest box, she prompt latched on to me (with her feet) and put her head under my beard and began crooning. Trying to figure out if she was in genuine distress, I held her for a few minutes, and detected contractions... She had decided that she want to be "on" me to lay her egg. In less than two hours she had laid her first egg. At that point, she wanted back in the nest box, I let her go back in, and she simply looked at me as if to say "Nu? So you are going to put junior in here, or maybe you want to incubate"? I carefully, and with some trepidation stuck my hand into the nest box & carefully deposited the egg in the near corner. All seemed well until two days later, when she went through the same routine. I thought it was strange, but accepted it as a notably weird idiosyncracy of this hen. The very next day, O'Hara, an adult Scarlet (ara macao) male started making the exact same distress calls while I was at the pc. He seemed to feel that being held for two hours would be worth making odd noises. Since that time I have tried to always give every one their fare share of attention, the only execption being Rivka, who sleeps with me every night.

[Tiki]

Nina, I have the same guilty feelings about my tamer, cuddlier tiels. 3 of them-Maui, Manu and Shaka are just more friendly and like to spend time with me. The others have all bonded amongst themsleves and seem to consider me more as a slave who brings food and buys toys. They will perch on me if THEY feel like it, but prefer to hang out with each other. The tame ones will come to me when I call them. I love all my birds and they all have unique personalities. But those 3 just want more attention from me-Maui especially thinks the sun rises and sets on me and vice versa!

[The Outlaw]

Yehuda:

They are a trip. I have a member on my board who has a military macaw that would only lay eggs in her bathtub! She would frantically call out "bathtub, bathtub, BATHTUB" until Chele would place her in there. She had a chronic egg laying problem for about a year until Chele was able to stop her. Still, a screaming military demanding bathtub privileges has to be a bit unsettling (LOL).

THE OUTLAW

[LtlWngdAngl]

They each still get their one-on-one time where we talk about our day and get fresh food/water/treats, etc....and they seem happy with that...especially Dewey and Bebee. Oscar is normally a cuddle-bug too, but it's THAT time of year, as we all know...so I know he'll come back around.
I think it's more that they're not spending the time WITH ME that's making me feel so bad!....LOL
Thank you for all your encouragement and sympathetic thoughts!!!