Do I have a right to be mad?

[kellywess]

This might be lengthy but here is the story... about three weeks ago a very close long term friend of mine phoned me saying that her cousin had to get rid of all of her birds due to unforeseen changes in her life. She had very little time to secure a place for them to go to until they could be adopted out. My friend asked for my help due in part the fact that I have large bird experience and have been keeping birds for some time. I offered to go with her two states away collect these animals break down cages etc. and transport them down here and assist her in finding experienced homes. 16 Birds ranging from large Macaw, Toos, Greys, Conures, Tiels, Parrotletts, Zons...ok. I agreed to get my garage which has been transformed into a art/work room for my husband into a room that could accommodate the larger birds because she was fearful of them. Three days my husband spend getting the room bird ready, moving things out cleaning things up and so on. I was busy contacting people a couple through this board in or close to my area, friends, contacts I have through my vets office and a couple of Pet Stores who specialize in birds. Networking to find suitable homes. At first the main concern was to be able to place them quickly... money was never mentioned until after the fact. These are older birds who are all fed organic diets, some I was told were bonded laying eggs or clutch mates that could not be separated. Still, I was able to come across interested people. In return for my efforts I was promised a bird... not that I really need one but honestly would take one more as I have room and time. Then my friends aunt who agreed to keep the smaller birds at her home started bringing up re-homing fees. Ridiculous prices... had my friend search the internet for what such birds are sold for... by breeders... baby birds. Not 18 year old Blue and Golds and nippy Zons etc. My main concern and I thought theres was too was to place them in homes with experienced people. Money changes everything. Over the past three weeks, the weekends got changed as to when we would go and so forth. Friday night she advised me that she didn't need me or my husband to take the trip up there with her and her husband and mother, but that they would need our help when they got back and would call me when they were 15 minutes away so we could meet them and unload the birds and get them settled. Said they were only bringing the smaller ones and that the larger birds would be transported down the following weekend. I stayed around the house, canceled my plans to have friends over for the PPV Hadden vs. Pacquiou fight (love boxing) so I would be ready to help. I got a call at eleven thirty that night saying she was home and they ended up bringing all of the birds to include the larger ones that I was asked to house until homes could be found. She then told me about the trip and all of the family drama that took place and asked me to go over the following morning with her to her Aunts house to help. I got up at 8 am on a Sunday and she didnt call me until 4:30 simply to say she had already gone over and she was home. I spoke to her yesterday and she was telling me what kind of birds and about their personalities... getting my hopes up even more about the GreenWing and the RedFronted. My best friend who was willing to pay some money for the Greenwing and/or the Red Front whichever one I did not choose. We were never even given the opportunity to offer a re-homing fee. Anyhow yesterday she asked if I would go over with her tonight which I told her I would after Keevas vet appt. So, I get this email saying that her Aunt Posted an ad somewhere for the birds and had been getting calls all day long. Said she she sold the U2 for $1000.00 and the 2 B&G together and someone was coming down from somewhere to pick them up. She told me that she took one of the Greys but the Greenwing and RedFront was still available and she would give me her Aunts telephone number if I wanted to talk to her about prices. I said "this is the same Aunt that you said promised me the Greenwing or a bird to my liking for helping and offering to care for these animals until homes were found." She said "yes" but now things have changed. The fact that I lined up 7 homes for 7-8 of these 16 birds and the fact that my husband spent 3 days making that room environmentally safe for these animals has not changed. I have spent 3 weeks networking and preparing and I didn't even as much get a phone call to say "oh by the way we do not need your help." I basically got shrugged off... literally. I had to call all of these people back tonight to tell them the situation "flaked out" and apologize for wasting their time and getting their hopes up... especially my best friend who was more excited and had already made plans to build an aviary in his beautiful back yard for the Greenwing. He lives alone and was extremely excited and willing to offer a reasonable rehoming fee. I called her after receiving her email and let her know how upset, hurt and how much I feel taken advantage of. One thing is for sure, I will not have to buy bird food for awhile... cuz I am stocked up. Not to mention the money for the Avicalm and the new Air Filter I purchased. Was going to buy another one sooner or later anyways.

Am I wrong to feel taken advantage of here? I have put a lot of time into being prepared to help her just to be shut out. Sorry, but I am pissed and hurt. How would you feel? This is a person who I consider to be a friend and was prepared to go out of my way to help. It wouldn't have even mattered about being given a bird... I would have helped her anyway. I am angry about the time and the effort that I wasted.

[chseeads]

I think I would feel taken advantage of as well.

[mabird]

Kelly,

All I can say is that you are mello and calm compared to how dangerously insane I would be in your shoes.

You are a far better person than I.

[kellywess]

Originally Posted by mabird

Kelly,

All I can say is that you are mello and calm compared to how dangerously insane I would be in your shoes.

You are a far better person than I.

Believe me I am not calm at all. She told me how much her cousin loves these birds and wanted them to go to good homes... then they get them down here and all that is important is the money. We will see how many end up on Craigs List. IMO if they were my birds, my concern would be for the safest, knowledgeable place I could find for them... money wouldn't matter. I even offered to Foster a couple of her favorite birds until she could get her situations under control at no cost. My husband has been hearing me rant and rave for the past two hours, poor baby he just went to bed. My friend, I feel bad, he was so excited and what a wonderful loving home the bird would have had with him... he is meticulous and very animal savvy. We even tossed out the teflon pans he got for Christmas away and tossed out the candles and Febreeze. It killed me to have to call him tonight. One of my biggest pet peeves is someone who says something and doesn't go through... I hate it when it is done to me and I hated having to do to 6 people tonight. Karma...firm believer.

[jenseits]

WOW. Yeah, I think you have a right to be upset. It has nothing to do with the birds and everything to do with being treated poorly. Does your friend understand just how much work, effort and time you put into doing her this favor? If so, and she blew you off without so much as a "OMG, I'm soooo sorry" then I'd be pretty steamed. I guess you can try to put yourself in her shoes... Did she not realize? Is she usually kind of flaky? Maybe she was so overwhelmed with everything she wasn't thinking straight? Perhaps give her a reason to explain before you read her the riot act. It's possible that there's more to her side of the story that puts it into a different perspective. Maybe?

Sorry you had to go through all that.

[Tom Lawless]

Kelly, you were completely taken advantage of. This friend has not been honest with you from the start and even if that's not true I don't see any sign of consideration for your time and effort. To have someone prepare to go somewhere in the morning, go without her and not bother to call until 4:30PM is inexcusable.

You should not allow yourself to be treated that inconsiderately. In the future I would place the burden on her to contact/connect with you if she needs help or a favor and I would not be quick to rearrange my plans to suit hers. You can't do a thing to change your friend. This is who she is and I suspect this is who she always will be. You can change how you make yourself available to her.

[loyallyroyal]

I would tell your friend to go get a nice little greenwing baby from a good reputable breeder who socializes their babies well. That way they dont have to deal with people flaking.
Im sure lots of people could reccomend good ones:
Macaw Enchantment

How annoying that they were so inconsiderate...

[kellywess]

I am just frustrated and hurt. I have spent everyday on the phone going over all of this for three weeks, this weekend we are going, next week we are going... yaddah yaddah. Is the room ready yet. Can your husband come too? What do we need to bring, what about car sickness, what about this and that. Not to mention I have also been dealing with a sick bird of my own for the last week and half... over $500 in vet bills. She is bouncing back BTW. Thanks for the reaffirmations I appreciate it. I am going to bed now. Getting it all out and the glass of wine have helped. You guys are the best.

[usamma]

I'm so sorry! I would be seething!

[Young]

Kelly,

I don't believe people like that are considered friends.... are they? I am so sorry you were so badly used, misled, and mistreated.

On the serious side, I am so thrilled and reassured with the human race to know that people like you and your husband are out there. Cudos and many thanks to you both for all your effort, care, and thoughtfulness.

That was not a friend you were dealing with.