Letter to all parrots...

[tamaran2]

Letter to all parrots (Adapted by Anne.M.Kenyon, original work was not mine)

Dear Parrots The dishes with the seed, veg and chopped up fruit in are are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Landing bodily in the middle
of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish,
nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by Concorde and is not a flight path.
Racing me to the bottom is not the object.
Flapping your wings in my face doesn't help because I fall faster than you can fly.

I cannot buy any more wooden furniture for you to destroy. My bank account is
so deeply in the red that it is almost a hanging offence.. I am very sorry about this.
Do not think I will continue providing you with classy bookshelves, coffee tables,
picture frames etc for you to destroy at your will.
You actually have oodles of your own toys that you can shred and destroy.
It is not necessary to de-face, poop on, attack-me-for-daring-to-touch everything
that does in fact belong to ME.
I also know that flying onto my head and crapping down my face whilst
ripping a chunk out of my ear is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, I am well able to use the bathroom on my own.
It is not necessary for you to sit in front of me whilst I am sat on the loo telling me
''go potty, good girl, go potty''. If anything, this only serves to constipate me.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then preen the clingers off your
bumfeathers AFTER.
I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in all fairness, dear parrots, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-BIRD OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.

(2) If you don't want their feathers, dust and poops on your clothes, stay away.

(3) I like my parrots a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are noisy, biting, screaming messy nuicances. To me, they are adopted
sons/daughters who are feathered, and in some cases can speak clearly, especially when using offensive language.

Remember, parrots are better than kids because they:

(1) eat less, (apart from when they are stealing your food)
(2) don't ask for money all the time( Even though they do weigh heavily on the bank balance when it comes to needing new toys)
(3) are easier to train (but are strangely amusing when they blatantly disobey the squawk with laughter)
(4) normally come when called (If they so feel like it)
(5) never ask to drive the car
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(8) don't want to wear your clothes,(they are happy just to poop on the or shred them)
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,(unless its a destructable toy)
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college (but may need 2 zillion for vet fees)
(11) if they get pregnant, its entirely YOUR fault.

[angelicarboreals]

Lol, that was cute!

[Greycloud]

That was hysterical.! I love the one about the stairs.

[SDavid]

Personally, I don't like the tone of this persons letter. I wonder how the parrot would respond? Something like this?........


"Dear Parrot Owner,

You use the term "your food" but you haven't a clue as to what my food really is. You see, humans snatched me from my true home before ever studying me or knowing a thing about what I eat during the course of my lifetime. You continue to guess at what I should eat and then feed me the same boring food day in and day out and expect me to be gratefull? How bout' providing me with a clay lick and some mountains. So you don't find my mess aesthetically pleasing? News flash: We are sloppy eaters! (That includes your plate) A fact you should respect and should have known if you ever wanted me for what I am. My mess helps regenerate the forests where I live and feed other creatures. For the record I don't find your stuffy living room as aesthetically pleasing as the vastness of the rainforest and treetops that I would have enjoyed soaring over each day (try opening a window). Not to mention the company of my own kind, the dignity of living in a world I understand and can make choices in. Instead of all that I'm forced to live under the control of a creature that understands little about me. You want me to stay put? I'm a BIRD! I was meant to travel miles each day, another fact that escaped you. I don't think I'll bother explaining why I enjoy flapping my wings when moving downward. In the wild I can go and land wherever I want.

You'll excuse me if I don't care about the furniture that belongs to YOU after all even though I'm a living creature I'm just another one of those posessions. If you have a problem with my genetic predisposition to enjoy chewing on things and using my beak and nails then kindly return me to the rainforest and buy yourself a stuffed animal. I get bored with a toy easily as it's no substitute for the company of another. I am endlessly curious of new things to explore, play with, chew, and figure out. Do you really expect me to treat your chair differently than a branch? To know and understand the rules of your house when I come from a completely different world. Your rules don't exist in my understanding. Your bank account may be in the red but you can hardly expect me to care. My habitat is shrinking, my species is on the brink of extinction, and most of my kind are languishing in cages - all due in part to your selfish love for us.

I have to expell my droppings frequently to be as light as possible for flying. Speaking of which I also can't stress enough that I would like you to close the bathroom door after using the toilet.

And finally, I am not a child with feathers, a dog with feathers, a goldfish with a beak, or whatever else you want to compare me to so you don't have to use your brain. I am a PARROT and would appreciate being understood as such. Until then you can keep wondering why my kind are mutilating themselves in your presence.

Sincerely,
The Owned Parrot "


Anyway, that'd be my guess.

[Jag]

Originally Posted by SDavid

Personally, I don't like the tone of this persons letter. I wonder how the parrot would respond? Something like this?........


"Dear Parrot Owner,

You use the term "my food" but you haven't a clue as to what my food is. You see, humans snatched me from my true home before ever studying me or knowing a thing about what I eat during the course of my lifetime. You continue to guess at what I should eat and then feed me the same boring food day in and day out and expect me to be gratefull? How bout' providing me with a clay lick and some mountains. So you don't find my mess aesthetically pleasing? News flash: We are sloppy eaters! A fact you should respect and should have known if you ever wanted me for what I am. My mess helps regenerate the forests where I live and feed other creatures. For the record I don't find your stuffy living room as aesthetically pleasing as the vastness of the rainforest and treetops that I would have enjoyed soaring over each day (try opening a window). Not to mention the company of my own kind, the dignity of living in a world I understand and can make choices in. Instead of all that I'm forced to live under the control of a creature that understands little about me. You want me to stay put? I'm a BIRD! I was meant to travel miles each day, another fact that escaped you. I don't think I'll bother explaining why I enjoy flapping my wings when moving downward. In the wild I can go and land wherever I want.

You'll excuse me if I don't care about the furniture that belongs to YOU after all even though I'm a living creature I'm just another one of those posessions. If you have a problem with my genetic predisposition to enjoy chewing on things and using my beak and nails then kindly return me to the rainforest and buy yourself a stuffed animal. I get bored with a toy easily as it's no substitute for the company of another. I am endlessly curious of new things to explore, play with, chew, and figure out. Do you really expect me to treat your chair differently than a branch? To know and understand the rules of your house when I come from a completely different world. Your rules don't exist in my understanding. Your bank account may be in the red but you can hardly expect me to care. My habitat is shrinking, my species is on the brink of extinction, and most of my kind are languishing in cages - all due in part to your selfish love for us.

I have to expell my droppings frequently to be as light as possible for flying. Speaking of which I also can't stress enough that I would like you to close the bathroom door after using the toilet.

And finally, I am not a child with feathers, a dog with feathers, a goldfish with a beak, or whatever else you want to compare me to so you don't have to use your brain. I am a PARROT and would appreciate being understood as such. Until then you can keep wondering why my kind are mutilating themselves in your presence.

Sincerely,
The Owned Parrot "


Anyway, that'd be my guess.

Wow.. hostile! I'm just curious..if you're as against companion parrots as you sound.. why do you belong to the bird board? I've seen similar letters addressed to the dog, cat, etc. No need to get so upset about something that is meant as a cute laugh for parronts...

[SDavid]

No, I'm actually smiling right now. A different perspective was the point.

[Jag]

Originally Posted by SDavid

No, I'm actually smiling right now. A different perspective was the point.

Ah, OK. Just didn't read that way in print.

[sailorkelly]

I love it. I was reading it aloud to my hubby and Abbey was sitting on my chest yelling at me. She doesn't like more rules lol

[tamaran2]

Originally Posted by sdavid

personally, i don't like the tone of this persons letter. I wonder how the parrot would respond? Something like this?........


"dear parrot owner,

you use the term "your food" but you haven't a clue as to what my food really is. You see, humans snatched me from my true home before ever studying me or knowing a thing about what i eat during the course of my lifetime. You continue to guess at what i should eat and then feed me the same boring food day in and day out and expect me to be gratefull? How bout' providing me with a clay lick and some mountains. So you don't find my mess aesthetically pleasing? News flash: We are sloppy eaters! (that includes your plate) a fact you should respect and should have known if you ever wanted me for what i am. My mess helps regenerate the forests where i live and feed other creatures. For the record i don't find your stuffy living room as aesthetically pleasing as the vastness of the rainforest and treetops that i would have enjoyed soaring over each day (try opening a window). Not to mention the company of my own kind, the dignity of living in a world i understand and can make choices in. Instead of all that i'm forced to live under the control of a creature that understands little about me. You want me to stay put? I'm a bird! I was meant to travel miles each day, another fact that escaped you. I don't think i'll bother explaining why i enjoy flapping my wings when moving downward. In the wild i can go and land wherever i want.

You'll excuse me if i don't care about the furniture that belongs to you after all even though i'm a living creature i'm just another one of those posessions. If you have a problem with my genetic predisposition to enjoy chewing on things and using my beak and nails then kindly return me to the rainforest and buy yourself a stuffed animal. I get bored with a toy easily as it's no substitute for the company of another. I am endlessly curious of new things to explore, play with, chew, and figure out. Do you really expect me to treat your chair differently than a branch? To know and understand the rules of your house when i come from a completely different world. Your rules don't exist in my understanding. Your bank account may be in the red but you can hardly expect me to care. My habitat is shrinking, my species is on the brink of extinction, and most of my kind are languishing in cages - all due in part to your selfish love for us.

I have to expell my droppings frequently to be as light as possible for flying. Speaking of which i also can't stress enough that i would like you to close the bathroom door after using the toilet.

And finally, i am not a child with feathers, a dog with feathers, a goldfish with a beak, or whatever else you want to compare me to so you don't have to use your brain. I am a parrot and would appreciate being understood as such. Until then you can keep wondering why my kind are mutilating themselves in your presence.

Sincerely,
the owned parrot "


anyway, that'd be my guess.

hey david...it was meant as a lite hearted joke...you know funny, funny...ha...ha....

[Lisa B]

I think its a comical letter of day to day living with parrots.

Yeah it would be great if they were all in the wild. but they arent. so its up to us to do the best we can for them now that they are here.
some of mine, including Emma would never survive in the wild being disabled, so I am happy they found their way to me, however it happened.