I hate what I've done. What can I do now?

[Transducer]

Hello. I found this wonderful forum and I think this is a good place to share something deeply troubling me.

I have a pet cockatiel, he is very young and very sweet. I've had him for about three months now. He is usually well behaved, but he can be very demanding of biting (preening) hard on moles and ears and such.

To be honest I have been careful in taking as much care of my bird as I could, but something horrible happened tonight.

The bird was biting and nibbling all over my neck a lot tonight, and all of a sudden I had a fit. I suddenly gave it a cruel punishment.

I went with it in a dark room and nudged and prodded it many times. Not harshly like hitting but certainly enough to frighten and scare the guy terribly. He pooped several times and kept huffing and shrieking every time he felt something.

After I had done this I was filled with horror and self-loathing. I still am now. The worst of it is that after I had done all that, he still trusts me totally.. probably because he didn't realize it was me abusing him.

I am scared of what I've done to him psychologically and emotionally, of what this may do to him. I want to keep him because I love him and I am a lonely person that doesn't have anyone else for company, so I give my cockatiel plenty of it. But I am afraid. If I've done something awful like this once, what if I snap and have a fit again and take it out on the poor bird?

I'm a disgusting and horrible person, and what I've done tonight confirms all that. Is the bird going to be okay in the long run? Should I find someone else to take care of him asap?

Please tell me what I should do, be honest, don't hold back your contempt either, I'm certainly not.

Just please tell me how to help my little cockatiel.

[kali]

Woah, what the...?

[Transducer]

I'm seeing some views, I really hope someone can respond with something more.

Please, I am so sad and scared and confused... I'm a grown adult on top of it, isn't that pitiful..

[cutelilfiend]

Troll?
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[kali]

That's what i thought.

[Transducer]

No. NOT TROLLING! DEAD SERIOUS!

I guess I looked for a caring bird forum for nothing.

What should I do..

[kali]

Dude, if you are serious, we can't help you. Only a trained counsellor can.

But, since you know what a troll is, you must admit it certainly looks like one. Coming on here and getting to know everyone and then dropping a bomb like that is acceptable, but we don't know you from a bar of soap and honestly, you seem like a troll.

[Transducer]

Originally Posted by kali

Dude, if you are serious, we can't help you. Only a trained counsellor can.

But, since you know what a troll is, you must admit it certainly looks like one. Coming on here and getting to know everyone and then dropping a bomb like that is acceptable, but we don't know you from a bar of soap and honestly, you seem like a troll.

So I need to put time into making two or three introductory threads, reply to a bunch of other peoples' threads, and THEN it's ok to post something I urgently am asking advice about?

You are right about getting a counselor. I just wonder if I should give the bird to someone who actually cares about birds and isn't crazy-in-the-head, or give myself another chance.

[kali]

I'm stepping out of this one. I'm sorry, I think there's other people who can help you more.

[Rahni]

Originally Posted by Transducer

I just wonder if I should give the bird to someone who actually cares about birds and isn't crazy-in-the-head, or give myself another chance.

By that you are implying that you don't actually care about birds, and if that is the case I would find a nice loving home for him, and a counsellor for yourself to help you work through your issues.
At the very least if you really think you might do it again, maybe it's best not to get him out again until you have found someone to take him in.