Medicine administration

[suzhouchen]

How To Give Your Bird Oral Antibiotics

I found this article at the above link and just wanted to share. I couldn't find an appropriate thread to post it on so hope you don't mind. I'd love to hear some more funny but accurate writings.

How To Give Your Bird Oral Antibiotics
By Garry J. Wallan

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1.Retrieve the bird from the cage.

2.Set the bird on a table and hold it's head by carefully grasping the neck where it joins the lower jaw, or mandible.

3.With other hand, grasp the medicine syringe and place the tip into the left side of the bird's mouth.

4.Depress plunger and squirt the medicine towards the back of the bird's throat.

5. Wipe excess medicine from the bird's beak.

7.Place bird back into cage.





Subsequent Applications

1. Attempt to retrieve bird from cage.

2.Apply bandages as necessary to wounds on hands and arms.

3.Retrieve bird from new hiding place under the coffee table.

4.Carefully immobilize bird's head to prevent further tissue damage to body.

5.Attempt to break the "Vulcan Death Grip" and remove birds feet from your hand.

6.Apply more bandages and strong analgesic cream to new wounds on hands/arms.

7.Immobilize bird by carefully wrapping it in a towel.

8.Watch in amazement as the bird "morphs"--it's head and tail will probably swap positions, putting skin in mortal danger again.

9.Hold bird snugly in it's terrrycloth prison.

10 Grasp medicine syringe. Try to stop trembling in fear and pain. Place tip of syringe into left side of bird's mouth.

11 Ignore crushed tip. Depress plunger and squirt medicine towards the back of birds throat.

12 Wipe excess medicine out of eyes, and off drapes.

13 Release bird and squirt medicine in general vicinity of birds face. Some medicine MAY actually go into mouth. Rest will be absorbed by osmosis.

14 Shoo bird back into cage.

15 Spend the rest of day attempting to regain bird's affection with yummy snacks and new, expensive toys.!!!!!!!!!!!