When To Rehome Your Bird - Join The Debate

[FoxersArtist]

Bare with me. This is long but I want to share my opinion and I want your opinions too!

Recently I have been working with a client whose situation has made me re-evaluate my opinion about rehoming birds. This fellow recently inherited a DYHA and an M2 from his mother. The birds were used to a woman caretaker for the last 15-20 years and moving has been a big shift for the birds. I went to evaluate the birds and came to different conclusions about each bird but only one conclusion about the owner. Their new dad desperately wants to be committed to them and is willing to do whatever it takes. What an amazing person and a couple of lucky birds. The M2 seemed shy but I observed her to be responsive toward her new owner despite not having earned trust with him yet - a very encouraging start to a potentially beautiful relationship. The amazon, on the other hand, has been reported to strike at his new owner, gets down on the floor and chases him, stands tall when stepped up onto a stick or towel making body language that suggests that the bird could lunge at his face at any time. It was my job to evaluate the bird to find out whether he needed resocialization/rehabilitation or whether he was just not connecting with his new owner for one reason or another. I quickly discovered that the bird was cage aggressive and he would strike at anyone to keep them out of his space. The best indicator of true aggression would have the be evaluated with the bird away from his cage. I stepped him out onto a stick and he cooperated. Once on a perch he was showing off for me, dancing, and offering a foot to step up. I had a great time socializing with him and he even let me rub under his chin. What a fine little bird and so delightful!

Unfortunately, because the bird was so quickly comfortable with me, it seemed to make sense to me that the bird was not afraid of socialization/interaction and did not lack manners. Instead, his aggression toward his owner seemed to me that the bird was communicating that his new owner made him feel threatened. The amazons Dad was crushed when I told him that it seemed like his bird might just prefer women or a specific personality type and that he may never have a closely bonded relationship with his bird. I wanted to be able to tell him something different because of how deeply he cares.

Observing birds is one of the most important jobs that I have as a rescue person. I pride myself in allowing the birds that come through our rescue to choose their people. I feel passionate that if a bird can find a responsible owner who is a fantastic personality match, the bird and human will form such a deep bond that it's chances of being rehomed in the future will be decreased. People are fickle - all of us - and we tend to put more effort into things that reach deep into our hearts as opposed to things that just rest on the surface of our hearts. I can say with honesty that I am more bonded to some of my birds than to others (Peggy Sue & BatToo) and it is easier for me to put a deeper effort into the ones who I am extremely bonded with. I love my other birds and have a strong bond with each of them. I feel that even the ones who are not as deeply bonded with me still have a bond with me and that makes our relationship permanent. I want to set my clients up for a similar relationship with their bird(s) for the benefit of every party involved. We will rehome birds to responsible people who seem to show some connection with a specific bird, but really rejoice when we can find a home where that connection is overwhelmingly clear. We will not adopt birds out to people when there does not seem to be a connection at all.

So back to the amazon...
His owner will eventually have to make a decision for his long term well being. I think that because the bird has not been with him for long, it is important for him to do whatever he can to get to know and earn the trust of the bird - but I think it is also fair for him to know that the bird may never have a deeply bonded relationship with him. In my opinion, is it possible for the bird to learn to become civil with him? Absolutely! Is it possible that he will be able to handle his bird in the future without an attack? My experience with birds who decide to stalk a certain family member is that they can be civil some of the time but that they are more likely to be unpredictable with that person - acting friendly and then all at once striking out with aggression. I truely believe that in these cases it is NOT a matter of how much we love our birds - it is a matter of how they view us and we cannot change their core preferances. Some birds act aggressive for other reasons - hormones, behavioral reasons, not being given the right set of boundaries, etc and it is also important to know the difference between a bird who is hormonal/spoiled/bratty and a bird who is just trying to establish it's own boundaries with you regarding its relationship with it's person. Training may help with behavior and handling but may not change the way a bird feels about a person.

continued...

[FoxersArtist]

I have seen birds that do ok with their owners for years and years despite not having a real connection. Bird is comfortable in the home, person is happy, everyone is OK. Take Blue & Gold Macaw, Jessie, for example. Jessie's owner loved her dearly and had her for nearly 20 years. Jessie was known to bite her regularly but still let her owner interact with her regularly. When her owner had to give her up because of health reasons, we both learned that maybe she was not the best match for Jessie as Jessie turned into a whole new bird when she got the opportunity to be around someone she really liked. Wow! What an exciting new start for Jessie, despite her owner being heartbroken to have to say goodbye. At the same time, I have worked with birds whose owners have described them as amazing. When they come to me, the only amazing thing about them is how quickly they are able to move in order to successfully bite me! Ha! Still, because of the information given by their owners, I know that they do not have behavioral issues - they just need to find the right person in order to not act aggressive.

I run into a lot of people who bring new birds into their homes because they are wonderfully warm hearted and find parrots who are in need of rescuing. I am so overjoyed to see how others are willing to step up and help our feathered friends. At the same time, I feel sad when I hear owners say, before even knowing their new bird, that they will keep their bird forever and ever. This emotion of sadness doesn't seem to make sense coming from a rescue person who sees so many homeless animals given up for so many reasons. I should be thrilled at the idea of a bird finding a forever home, right? Wrong. I feel sad because what if that bird does not eventually form a connection with that new owner? Could she have a better life with someone who she really connects with? If she is not given the flexibility to choose her future, she may never find the love she is looking for.

We all know that parrots mate for life and that they do not just choose a bird of the opposite sex to be with. They choose a specific bird, with a specific personality - some even choose a mate of the same sex because they are that attracted to the personality of their mate. I am delighted to hear of owners who have successfully been able to have a bonded relationship with their birds but also have an established flock where the birds also have formed relationships with each other. This greatly increases the options for the bird to find what he or shis is looking for in a mate, whether it is with person or bird. I have not the skills to allow my birds to form this community. My guys know eachother at a distance and though I would love to see them bond the way I have seen some flocks bond, I do not know the secret for making this a success with so many different species. I have a friend who describes her birds as a true flock. The little birds are a flock and the big birds are a flock and they have the freedom to congrigate, mingle, form bonds and relationships. It is beyond me how she has facilitated that kind of environment for her birds without aggression forming between individuals, but perhaps some day I will discover what she has done that makes the difference.

I often encourage people to look at the big picture when it comes to keeping birds. I tell them not to feel guilty about rehoming a bird that does not seem to get along with them. I think that it is important for people to give their new bird enough time to settle and earn trust but that if the bird is still not as happy as it could be with someone else, or even with another bird, they should keep the door open to a new relationship. This is not to say that it is ok to just get rid of your bird if it is not working out or could be working better. Birds take a lot of work and earning trust with a bird who is unsocialized or afraid may take lots of time. Still I cannot help but feel that a well socialized bird who acts aggressive or phobic of it's owner may just be trying to make a point about it's needs.

So what will this kind hearted fellow do with his amazon? This will be his decision alone and I hope that he gives it some time but is open to what will be most beneficial to his feathered kid. I am curious to see the outcome and secretly hope that the bird will warm up to him, despite seeing many cases like his where the bird earned trust but never bonded and had a reputation of being moody and unpredictable.

I want to know your opinion and have a feeling this will be a very contriversial topic as there are a lot of people who feel that providing a forever home for a bird in need is what is most important. Others may feel they are very bonded with their bird - but their bird is aggressive. Is this aggression hormonal? Behaviorial? Or is your bird trying to express that he or she could be happier? These are hard questions to ask and because we cannot just ask our bird what he or she wants or needs, the answers often have blurred lines and we can only do our best.

Thank you for listening to my ramble. Now I want to hear your opinion.
-Anna

[tabooh]

This was the most intelligent advice/educational in the bonding/leaving the door open policy. I was shocked that there was common sense unlike other forums where they would have jumped down your throat at the very thought of re-homing under any circumstances, just about! I wish that there was more people like you out there that can truly be honest straight forward about the dynamics between people/birds. I agree with you %100! thank you for taking the time out to share this much needed wisdom, hugs!

[kellywess]

I undertand completely. I have a YCM named Erma who we brought into our home over a year ago. She came from a very loving home, the gentlemen used to hold her alot, (she still calls for "Paw Paw"-- those who know me know that I refer to her as my "red-neck" macaw cuz of her accent and the way she talks) she used to sit with him on the porch while he read the paper and he used to take her for walks down to the mail box and such. She was held all of the time. She was the only animal in the house. They had to rehome her due to age and arthritis and the fact that they couldnt take care of her as well as they thought she should be taken care of. Sweet people. They still call to find out how shes doing. Anyway, she squawks all of the time. We let her out of the cage but she doesnt stay on her cage and play like the others, she jumps down and chases me and my husband til we pick her up. She just wants to be held while she preens, sleeps, gives kisses etc. Shes a doll baby. I just feel more days than none that I am letting her down. I cant hold just her all of the time. We have four others. We love her dearly, she is very sweet and polite. She says thank you when you pick her up, give her a treat and when you cover her at night, they made sure she came to us with manners. LOL She is however... Very Loud. She is very agressive towards people she doesnt know, she gets all puffed up and scary looking HAHA. She also is very agressive towards the other birds in our home. She gives our cat a heck of a time when in striking distance. I would however give her up as much as I would miss her if someone came along that she seemed happier to be with. I dont know how this would be possible, but I would. Erma has had alot of adjusting to do since she came to live with us. She once was fully flighted and had free roam over the house... not anymore. She misses flying.
We had to clip her wings, even still she can still take off and soar quite a ways before landing. She cant get the height but she can fly.

I do understand and agree with everything you said about trust and a close bond. Erma is not agressive with me or my husband shes nippy but doesnt bite. I just know that by the screaming and the recent plucking (vet says shes fine) that she hasnt reached her full "Happy Bird Potential." Only time will tell.

Thanks for the post, it was a good read and it made complete sense. I wish there were more people like you who truly understand.

[omelettus]

i almost made a similiar post just this week.
although i dont have a shred of foxers artists experience and it wouldnt have been near as eloquent
however i have been struggling with some of the issues mentioned
im not sure if im seeking advice or just some comfort through others and their experience

im still a new parront and definately dove in head first with zeal.
last summer i discovered my love for birds just upon weaning my son after 13 months.
i discovered homeless/unwanted birds and craigslist
immedietly decided i wanted to adopt, rescue, help get involved something. somehow
my second quaker adoptee was abused/rehomed several times/neglected, fed a poor diet... and called out in such a sad inconsolable way.
i did my research, im interested in behaviour, enhancement, nutrition has become a hobby. i became very devoted and love it
looking back i think gus was a bit much to take on for a newbie but i didnt give up.
i also couldnt live at his home(cage) side
i found him a female with similiar tragic background with an instant bond.
these birds have been rediculously loud, needy, ingrateful...very very tough
it has caused serious unrest in the dynamics of our family
well we had an offer from a couple to take them months ago who were more equipped with space, time and experience with a hand in rescue/rehome as well.
i finally took them up on it.
ive been struggling with mixed feelings.
who am i to interfere with these birds lives? and not even keep them? why do they have to go and the more well adjusted quakers get to stay? am i doing the right thing? should this stop me from taking in other homeless/unwanteds and finding them homes or keeping them??
what gives me the right?
what i do feel good about is that they have found love in eachother after suffering such lonely lives. i taught them to be birds and play, positive renforcement, human love and interaction, and then i found them a fabulous home.
in fact the others would be jealous if they heard how good.

so thats my story
i agree that nothing is forever and
its important to have an open mind to what is best for the bird/pair
and wonder if rescue/rehome people struggle when its time for them to go?
and wonder how you got started

[sweetpeaches]

foxerartist i really enjoyed your post. i think in theory you are correct about the take on "how a bird feels about someone" and it's probably a wonderful thing to "match" those connections up, but with soooo many re-homes out there and not enough people to take them in, it has to be quite a challenge to find that special bond for a bird.
but kudos to you for at least trying.

[becca623]

I had a conure for a few years who extremely disliked other birds and never bonded to me. He didn't like any man or woman he met. He'd been passed around for years. I tried very hard to make him happy. I bought him a larger cage than he had ever lived in, then bought him a bigger cage. I let him out whenever he wanted. I paid a bunch of money to the vet to make sure he was healthy. I gave him a great diet. I tried giving him every type of toy I could think of for him. Nothing seemed to make him happy. I wasn't going to sell him. I wanted to give him a forever home but I always felt so bad that it wasn't a happy home for him. I never planned to find a home for him but in the back of my mind I felt that if the perfect situation arose, I would do what was best for him. He was welcome to stay here forever but I felt guilty that he wasn't content.
Anyway, one day a coworker of my mother's said that her mom had had a few cockatiels in the past that she had taken from bad situations. She said her mom had recently mentioned that she would like to have a bird again. She told me about the birds having their own room and stories about how spoiled they were. She wasn't trying to get a bird from me. It came up when I mentioned seeing a couple free cockatiels on craigslist.This woman has raised her child, step children, lots of foster kids, and grandchildren. She's a tough lady with a big heart.
I told her all about him. Every good and bad detail I had. She wanted to give him a try. My mom tried to talk to her out of taking him. I wrote 8 pages of notes for her. I gave her all of his information. I gave her several months worth of pellets and about a month of cooked foods with recipes. I gave him to her daughter to take to her mom in a small travel cage. We really didn't think it would work out. The agreement was that if it didn't then she would return him. Well 3 days after she took him home, she bought a new huge cage for him like he had here. (I was going to give her his cage if she kept him.) She sang to him. She him bite her finger without blinking. She would stand there telling him she was just as tough as he was. He fell in love with her. He transformed into a total sweetheart. He became friendly to anyone who walked in her house. He would fly over to them to greet them, then fly back to her. He is king of the castle there. She shushes people when he's napping. She interrupts conversations to answer him. She adores him. A few weeks after I gave him to her, someone else my mom works with gave her 2 cockatiels she had been trying to give me for months. (I'm allergic.) The first time she let them out of their cage, he threw a fit. She knew he didn't like other birds so she had left him in his cage. She let him out of his cage. He flew to her shoulder to tell her what he thought (in conure language). After that, she started taking the tiels into a bedroom upstairs to fly around so they wouldn't upset him. He's a very happy bird now. She's a very happy bird mom. I am very happy to know that he is finally happy. He could have stayed here forever if he wanted but it turns out he was meant to be with her. I get updated with pictures and stories about him. Everyone (hubby, children, etc.) tells her that she loves him more than she loves them. She just laughs. So while at one time I felt that any animal that came here wouldn't leave, I realized that isn't always the best for them. I guess what my long winded post is trying to say is that I agree with Anna. You should do the best you can but if there is a better home out there for that particular animal, then his or her best interest should come first.
Sorry my post is so long. I just wanted to share my opinion and the reason for that opinion.

[Lori~D]

Ramble-shmamble. I enjoyed it as well. I agree with most of it however I do believe in some instances you may have a bird that has a hard time adjusting to many types or people or bird. I have one. He would be hard pressed to find a person he wont bite (his background is very blurry) and so with that I decided to give him a mate so he would not be alone. She put up with him for six months with what appeared to be a one sided relationship. She preened him but he wouldnt preen back. She finally beat him up, even though they spent HOURS cuddeling. So instead I have resorted to working with him in a way that protects myself, yet gets him OUT of the cage. After two years with me and maybe six to ten before he is stepping up most of the time without biting and coming out to spend time with the rest of my flock even sharing perches. Now I think his quality of life is going to be better because of it and I would hesitate to send him to anyone who didnt have the experience to treat him with kit gloves. He does the old bait and switch on you. Ive thought of rehoming him rather than "put up" with him but then I have to think of his welfare and how long someone else might "put up" with his game. So he lives here. This is his home. We have to love him for who he is and keep taking baby steps. He will never be "friendly" but he doesnt have to be. I just want him to be able to be moved as needed and hope one day he will take a treat from my hand. Now, If someone walked into my home and he screamed "daddy" and jumped on their hand and took scrtches? Youd bet Id be pushing them to become bird owners asap,lol. For Charlies sake, not mine. It IS a fine line. I think its all about what the human is willing to accomplish (or live with) as well as long as the bird seems comfortable. Which is hard to tell when you dont know what they have been through and how long it will take those scars to heal. On the other hand I have Cal...he is about 41.....41 years is a looong time to earn some heafty scars. He on the other hand seems like a happy guy, sure and confident....but he still plucks?????? Will step up for anyone so far (well he prefers to step back) but NO scritches please! lol.

[kellywess]

Lori, thats how I feel about Erma. I dont think most people would be able to tolerate her squawking all of the time. Its hard for me some mornings. I go to work everyday with a headache. She is the only bird that comes out in the morning, while I am preparing food dishes. This is so she will not scream and wake my husband up, she calls for him or jumps down off of her cage and heads down the hall to the bedroom yelling "Paw Paw" or her name. I would be terrified to rehome her and her continue with these unwanted behaviors and take the chance of her being abused or mistreated. Atleast here she is allowed to be herself. We just do the best we can.

[Conure crazy]

What a great post. I totally agree with you.

When our gcc passed away on Jan 1st we started looking for another conure. I found an older gcc who needed a home from a breeder. The problem is they wanted us to meet them halfway and take the bird no matter what. I insisted that I would only take the bird if he liked us, he had to pick us. They said if we met we had to take him, they didn't want him back. I feel so bad for this little bird who was being thrown away.

I also feel the same way about whether people should get a baby vs. a rehome. Some people do great with rehomes and others cannot handle it. I know so many birds need homes but if someone can bring in a baby and bond and keep it forever then they are preventing another bird from ending up in rescue.