Should I find my goffins a new home?

[tcady]

It is breaking my heart to consider removing her from my home but changes in my life prevent me from doing any extensive therapy. I havent tried much but I will try to do what I can if you make suggestions before making a decision to find her a new home. She is my sweet baby and I love her very much.
Here is my story:
I got her about 6 yrs ago, I was told by the parrot store that she was sold to them by a previous owner for an unkown reason and that she was only a few years old. We clicked and she was very sweet so I took her home (my previous sun conure had recently passed). You can see some red in her eyes now so I think she is a he, but I still call her a she! LOL
Anyway, Sugar is a VERY loveable healthy Goffins, or she was...till recently.
And I know the WHY, I need help with the "what" (do I do?)
Until recently Sugar and our 4 dogs were our babies. I held Sugar almost every night after work while i did whatever...
I recently began foster parenting and after 5 children coming and going over the last 2 years, all of who she got along with famously, we are going to adopt our current baby. Note that the first foster kids were older (4 and 8) and could interact with Sugar. But the last 3 (since January 07) were babies.
With the babies I began to stop holding Sugar every night, I tried to hold her when I could, a little here a little there. Sugar at first did not like the babies and showed aggressive 'acting' towards them (which made me hold her less as I had to tend to baby alot). Then when she saw how we love the babies, she began to love them too, almost too much. After years of minding her business on her cage and entertaining herself (or screaming for me to come get her some too) when I did not have her with me, she began to get down and walk thru the house to find the baby.
I would find her cuddled up next to baby in the playpen. Baby was newborn to 6 months so not really reaching out to grab Sugar, I thought it was sweet.
I would remove her fomr wherever she 'got to the baby' and tell her no. I did let her be near the baby alot when I held the baby and could supervise. She would drink milk off baby's chin, share babyfood with her (its the only way she will eat vegtables!) - she just LOVES the baby! Now the baby is 8 months old and starting to try to grab her, I notice she mostly stays just out of reach but there have been a few warning nips to the baby's finger to say "dont grab me like that" - and she still does try to snuggle the baby, wants to lay real close to her, I fear it could get worse if the baby grabs her even harder... And problem is now that not only she gets off her cage and walks thru the house to find the baby (or chews up the bottom of door in my study where she resides if it is shut) she also stops to bite the dogs or my husbands feet if they are nearby. My husband has never really liked Sugar, he is not a bird man, but he knows i love her and he tolerates her. but she ADORES him -not to the point of getting off her cage to find him, but if I walk by him or sit near him she does jump to get on him EVERY time he is near and mostly he jsut syas "get her off of me"- but their relationship has deteriorated ALOT lately too. In the past, maybe once a month he would allow her to stay on him and he would pet her and she would snuggle against his facial stubble and it was a special treat when daddy would love on her. He occasionally shared his coffee with her too but really not much interaction at all. But in the last 6 months to year (since we got babies) he has gotten very intelorant of her, he doesnt want her around the baby for fear of her biting them, he dosnt want to hold her anymore, moslty because she has bitten him a few times over the years and he hs had his fill of getting bit (but not badly...unitl tongiht). She also would bite him anytime he tried to get her off of him and he would give in and not make her get off, but If I pick her up off him its no problem. She knows biting me does no good, I can honestly say she never bites me anymore. She knew she could control him, that was another reason he doesnt like her/is afraid of her. Also on the occasions when he would hold her and she would bite if he tried to get her to step up, he would get very mad and start yelling at me to get her off him 9more often and more loudly as time progressed and he ggrew less tolerant).
Also when she bit his foot - he towered over her on the floor and yelled and screamed at her - so sadly some things have happened to also make her not like him as much....

Anyway, coming to the end of the story. In the last few months I have noticed her chest feathers looka little ratty and I have been concerened she is pucking because I am aware I do not hold her like I used to, when I noticed it I made an effort to hold her more and she looked better within a few weeks. But the last couple of weeks she started again, and I started holding her even more - but today she plucked alot. Her chest is nothing but down and the shoulder area is also messed up alot. I was VERY upset to see it when i went and got her to hold her tonight. It was not anything near that bad day before yesterday (last night I didnt hold her as I was out all evening till late). So I brought her to my husband and said "look she is plucking her feathers out because I ignore her so much lately, poor thing" and he - feeling sorry for her - took her and held her. She was rubbing her head against his face like she used during the snuggle sessions (which always made him uncomfortable to have her that close to his face) and tonight he was feeling especially uncomfortable and asked me what is she doing? and he was petting her back the way she likes, and I said oh she is just cuddling your face dear she wants to snuggle, and wham she bit the **** out of his LIP!!! Well he flung her across the room (only one wing is clipped so she flew and didnt slam into anything thank god) -- but I tell you waht, he is one mad man right now. He bled for along time and there is a very large wound on his lip, he thought he might need stitches at first. It may have gone all the way thru from inside .... He is insisting I get rid of her. He is VERY afraid she will bite the baby that way one day (I dont balme him, I half fear it too).....I just dont have the time to hold her the way she would like,EVERY night. We used to cuddle and I would give her a good rub down as we watch TV,a nd now I rarely have time to watch tv and if I do I am holding or playing with the baby and if I try to let sugar sit on my shoulder at the same time she always tries to crawl down and lay by the baby- and the baby is fascinated by her and tries to grab her every single time she gets close too.
Its just a disaster waiting to happen.

This is the SWEETEST most loveable 'too. She "usually" loves everyone even new people and will let anyone hold her. She has her moments like all birds do....but mostly she is a very good bird.

My mom suggested getting a tether to tie her to a perch that I can keep near me so she feels involved but cant get to the baby or my husband.
I have seen fight suits that I think could work, hads anyone very tried this?
Oh yeah, I had to start keeping her locked in her cage about 3 months ago because I could not have her climbing down and terrorizing my husband and the dogs (they might bite her in retaliation I fear) or climbing in the crib or playyard with the baby and getting sqaushed or squeezed or bitten by the baby and biting the baby back - - so that is ANOTHER thing I am sure she is not happy about.

What is a mom to do? Is the best thing for her to go to a new home where someone has time to spoil her the way I used to, thus providing my new family (did I say we are adopting this baby) with the peace and security my husband demands? Believe me, he is NOT willing to help work with her AT ALL.
So that is NOT going to happen. Dont bother suggesting it.
If thats the best solution, how do you suggest I find a good home for her?

[wildirish]

My mom suggested getting a tether to tie her to a perch that I can keep near me so she feels involved but cant get to the baby or my husband.
I have seen fight suits that I think could work, hads anyone very tried this?

First thing, this is a very BAD idea! It is barbaric and she can hurt herself if she tangles in it or falls. Similar to dogs on a chain that jump a fence! You would be better leaving her in her cage than that idea!

As to the rest of this story, red or lighter brown eyes usually mean a girl, black eyes are the boys. She sounds like she is jealous and hormonal. Only you can decide if this is right for him or your family! It does seem to me that with the aggression towards your husband and possibley the baby, then finding a home for him may be the best for all.

[huntress]

Well IMO allowing any parrot near the baby's face is a huge no no. Birds are in fact unpredictable as you have already expirienced. She does in fact sound like she was spoiled to your attentions and is now on the back burner. She has Chosen your husband and he obviously has not chosen her. She is under allot of stress and has begun plucking. If, as you have said you have no time or willpower to fix what you have created and your husband is not willing. Teathering her to a perch will only make it worse - she is a bird and you are her flock and basically have "flock banished" her and even more so if you leave her locked up or tied up. She will pull all of her feathers out and possibly start on her skin next. I have seen this all too often. I will try to say this in a nice way but it is and it isnt your fault, Your life has changed, and you are most probaly making your dreams come true adopting this baby and this baby is a human being that NEEDS your undivided attention. Your fault part, and one not taught when you buy a bird unfortunatly, is that you didnt properly teach your bird from the start how to have many hours to play happily by itself just as you will have to do with your child. Its far more often way too tempting to cuddle our new babies (feathered or not) to the point where we create monsters and we dont mean to.
Now with all that said, and I fully understand your dilemma, but I dont have children. The same thing happens with young couples and dogs. Dog ends up in a shelter.
If you are honest about the whole thing like you are and stating that you cannot fix "all the details" associated with this. Then the best thing you could possibly do for the bird is to rehome it to a qualified bird person who possibly has another bird or two and no toddlers. Try to meet the prospective owner and see that both members (if there are two) have the same feelings about rescuing and rehab.
If you sell the bird in the newspaper or anything like that you will have to understand that the bird can possibly go right into the same situation. Screen applicants closely or call a "bird shelter" that has a real good standing in the area. Best way to find where one of those is ,is to go on petfinder and see what is out there. click on the shelters names next to the birds they are adopting out and get an address. Call and go visit. Even a shelter with expirienced bird people sounds like a safer place for your bird (and your baby) right now and someone else will be able to work with her and eventually place her in a good home.

[parrotntn]

What a nicely stated and thoughtful reply Huntress.
I concur 100% on everthing said in that reply. A lot of great information was given there for you and for any perspective bird owners; especially considering owning a too as I am.
Good luck and please keep us posted,
Mark

[tcady]

yes thank you it was a thoughtful and informative reply.
I know rehoming her probably is the best solution.
I don't like the idea of a bird shelter tho. I imagine a bird shelter has so many birds she surely will not get any attention.
I prefer the idea of finding her new owner myself.
I belive during the time that takes I can keep her happy and healthy.
Does anyone on this board live in Houston and want to buy a lovable goffins and large cage?
I only say buy because I feel giving her away makes it more likely anyone who might mistreat her would step forward , and someone willing to pay the going price of a very tame and very loveable goffins will be more likely to take better care of the investment. Do you feel that is also tue?

[cbalvino]

I think she needs to be rehomed,for her and your family,this is a no win situation for you and her all of you deserve to be happy,as a rehomer I can tell you that my flock is well loved, happy, and better off,some of mine had been in a home for more than 10 years! do they greive when they come home with me? of course,do they miss there prev home? yep do they get back to the "happy" place you bet! they do become my baby,I try to give them back all that they had and lost cuddles,time out of cage etc,but I have a different lifestyle I work partime and have someone else clean my house so I can clean my birdroom and be with them.Your not a terrible person! you had a birdie baby now you have a "real" baby,I had "real" babies a long time ago now I have birdy babies,it's just a different life! do yourself and her a favor find someone to love and cherish her!

[huntress]

The only problem I see with that is you will not get the going price for a rehome with plucking issues even if she is loving and friendly. I have a friend who rescues in Dallas but again, there is a differance in a "rescue" and a "sell". If you sell her even for $1000 that means she will go to whomever has $1000 and wants a bird and can feed you a great story. I personally would carefully screen prospective adopters and after that negotiate and adoption fee based upon how good of care and life they will have. (ie) If I had this trouble and the place I know of here that is a rescue with outdoor aviaries and the way the owners love the birds and the birds that dont get handled have true bird flock mates and truly appear to be happy in the outdoor flights in the summer. I would GIVE the bird to them.

[swanwillow]

I wish I lived where you do, I'd take her in a heartbeat!

Birds and kids are tough, and you need to realize yours, and the birds, limitations. What I wonder is why she would lay with the baby, seems kinda strange but then, theres been stranger.

My bird tolerates kids, likes me, doesn't seem to care one way or another about my fiancee. He'll hold her if I ask, feed her if I forget in the morning, but thats about their relationship. I think they both know that he's not a bird person.

Good luck finding her a home. I'm sure she'll be fine.

[tcady]

Someone wrote: "What I wonder is why she would lay with the baby, seems kinda strange but then, theres been stranger."

She likes to snuggle up next to you and lay down. She literally has her chest on the ground (or on your chest or the pillow or whatever)

I let her take naps with me occasioanlly, she lays on the pillow by my nech/face. She lays down for real. Usually snuggled into a impression in the pillow or between my neck and pillow.

When she goes to lay by the baby, she actaully cuddles up beside them and hunkers down....she wants to lay by thier face too, making it easy for baby to grab or bite the bird. Not good.

I got her a feather theather to keep on her when I have her on me so she cant get to the baby or husband. Especially when sitting watching tv in evening, I would recently always have to be aware of her sneaking to jump off me and chase the dogs, or find the baby or -eegads, climb up my husbands leg. If she is on the leash she cant. She lets m,e put it on with only minor niping, but she chews at it alot, I know some people may think it is cruel, but I think she will get used to it and its gotta be like this till I find her a home. If she gets used to the leash and it works for us, I may be able to keep her. I would never leave her tied to the leash unsupervised. Now that I acutally have it,.I can see how easily she could get herself hurt if I was not right there. I used to be in a local bird club and new several people in it who used them and thier birds had gotten used to them. it will also be nice to protect her when I take her outside, so if something scares her she wont get too far.

And why is clipping one wing awful, as someone else here posted? Funny it is done that way by the most reputable parrot supplier in Houston who has been here for like 30 years....so they must know a thing or two about birds...
Tell me exactly whats bad about that style of wing clip?

[huntress]

There is nothing wrong with the feather teather. It was commented that teathering her to a PERCH for long periods is not good - using a feather teather to keep track of her is just fine. I was the one who made the comment about the wing clip. It is an old practice to clip one wing - heck my dad taught me to do that as a child but it has been proven through many years and vets and specialists that it is very dangerous for the bird. Both wings clipped evenly and as short as necc on the main flight feathers to allow the bird to SAFELY break his fall to the ground - thus fluttering to the floor without crash landing. Having two wings even permits the bird to steer (and they will learn to) to avoid an obstacle that may be in the way when an "emergency" landing is in order. A bird that is only clipped on one side is unable to control the fall and direction and therefor will even land hard and unevenly.Then in the event of that "emergency landing" like when someone carrying you trips and falls or your perch falls over or something like a new couch pillow frightens you you cannot make a safe landing and you can easily break a wing or beak when you smash into the coffee table you might have been able to avoid if you could at least steer. Does that make sense?? There are still quite a few "old schoolers" out there just like in any profession. Ask an Avian vet and some other Professionals about it.