Dealing with aggression

[jdlilfan]

Sorry this is kind of long.

My life has been very chaotic lately. I've had to move back in with my parents due to a nightmare job situation I got myself into. Unfortunately, things in the money department are kind of a nightmare right now so it will probably be at least a year or a year and a half before I have the resources to get my own place.

My mom loves my birds dearly and has very good intentions, however, she's causing major behavioral problems with my sun conure and has literally spoiled him rotten. I feel very fortunate that I have parents who love parrots so dearly, but this is getting a little out of hand.

Anytime he screams for attention, she's running to him. So she's rewarding that behavior. Now he's starting to become a problem screamer. And she gets angry and mad when I try to explain to her what she is doing is just worsening the screaming. I have told her if she wants to play with him, do so when he is being quiet. She just gets angry with me and tries to tell me he's screaming for attention, you are being mean to him and ignoring him, grabs him and runs into another room.

Every morning it's always "Guess what mood I am in today!?" He's always been very cuddly and affectionate and playful. He usually will just cuddle under your neck while you read or watch TV.

But he's really starting to become very aggressive to the point where every time I have him out with me, he's lunging and biting me. I already have bite marks on my hands and I cannot let him cuddle under my neck anymore because he's bit my nose and today, he grabbed onto my lip very hard. I've got a nice scar that resembles a vampire bite as a result. So that was the final straw for me. No more cuddles until we work through these aggression issues.

If anyone has any advice/tips for me for working with him to overcome his aggression and prevent it from worsening, it'd be much appreciated!

Thanks

[Jag]

Oh, what fun! If he bites, tell him 'no' and put him down. NO hands but yours touch him until you get him re-calmed. My wife has been letting Papi play under her flannel shirt, and under my son's sweatshirt for the past couple days..and he's been refusing to come to me. Well, my son came up to her last night and Papi bit her in the face. Sooo... no one but me touches him again until I get HIM calmed back down. He probably is WELL aware he's not to bite, but he's been let to get away with it... so now you have to clean up the mess. I'm sorry your mom isn't listening and is butting in with what you're trying to do.

Show your mom the bites, and tell her that it's hands off until further notice. You'll have to go back to the beginning. If you have the stomach to do it...when he bites you start laddering him. NO treats, NO out of cage playtime, NOTHING until he stops the nonsense. Hopefully it won't take him long. With Rico, I will take hold of his beak and tell him 'no bite'..but he's only really done that if he's having a tantrum because I'm taking him away from something he wants to do....like eating my laptop!

[Ashling]

Sounds like you need to train your mum, as well as your sun!
Your mum has taught your bird that he is boss and that whatever he wants, he will get it, when he wants it. You need to readjust the boundaries and keep them very tight for a few weeks. If it helps, you can tell your mum that she is actually being cruel by confusing your bird and making him INSECURE in his environment, which may be increasing the aggression. Birds need boundaries to feel secure, otherwise they don't know what to do with themselves and destructive behavious can ensue. In my opinion.

[sodakat]

I don't think anything your Mom is doing will "ruin" your bird in the long run. My husband and I have different ways of approaching, handling and disciplining our birds. I don't believe either way is 100 percent right or wrong. The birds have figured out what is expected of them depending on which of us they are with. You are in a unique situation because you are in your parent's home and have to respect their wishes, which may include bending the rules a bit as far as disciplining your birds. It would be awful to have a disagreement over your birds come between you and your mom. If one of them is biting you and not your mom, can't you just take a break from the cuddling for a while and give him space? That way you won't get bit. I'm sure it has been quite an adjustment for the birds as well as you and they are likely a bit out of sorts from all the changes in their lives.

[RockysMom]

IMO...what I would do first is sit down with my mom and have a conversation about how your feeling and what you would like to see changed. Do your parents have any birds? If not you might need to educate her on the behavior issues they can have and the best ways to solve them. I have family members tell me all the time what to do about certain things, but they don't have birds so they don't really understand what is going on. The biggest problem you face is getting her to understand where you care coming from. An this doesn't at all have to be a mean conversation just a heart to heart about your feelings, and maybe let her browse the board here so she can see also how responding to a birds screams can create behavior issues. I have a sun to and when he is in his cage or playstand and I have to leave the room he will start screaming, it got to the point where I was going to lose it, but my bf and I stopped responding to the screams and it worked. Now he does still do it sometimes, but not for very long now, because he knows we won't pay any attention to him until he stops. The same with the biting, when we got Rocky all he wanted to do was bite us and everytime he did he went right back in the cage. We did this over and over and over for a few weeks, an he spent a lot of time in that cage until he learned if I bite her she will put me back in the cage. The biting issue is still ongoing with him, but it's not as bad. So everytime he bites you tell him no and right back in the cage he goes. An for us as long as Rocky was quite we left him in there about 5 to 10 minutes at a time. Over time he will learn if I bite I get no attention and the same with screaming it has to be ignored completely or we won't get it. Correcting the behavior in your sun might be easy to do, compared to talking with your mom. I understand to that you are in your parents home, but they are your birds and you have to explain to your mom that the screaming may get worse if she continues doing what she is. What if it gets to the point where he is screaming all the time and no one can tolerate it anymore. You have to explain that this has to stop before the bird gets out of control.

[jdlilfan]

Hi all. Thanks for the responses.

I had a talk with Mom and told her she has absolutely GOT to participate and not worsen the situation. She has been very understanding about it luckily.

Yesterday, he got upset with her and bit her pretty hard, so I think she's finally willing to listen.

Hopefully I can get this little problem taken care of before it becomes a BIG problem.

[NotEnoughTime]

Very nice to hear. If you can try getting your mom to read this web page: Screaming in Parrots and/or this one: Parrot Biting it may help.

Good luck!

[jdlilfan]

Thanks for the suggestion! I'll pass it on to her. We're all doing really well! Things are turning around really well.