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Charlie my quaker get sopping wet, lol he loves it. With the water spray if you can just spray it in the air above him and let it softly land on him until he gets used to it, if he still freaks out just stop and try again another time.
If you want her let her out just let her out, again Charlie does this hoping I will let him out but if I am cleaning or cooking then I wont let him out and he just gives up pacing after a while
As far as the male goes just give him time, I feel he will get used to you soon and be friendly, just when he is quiet have a nice chat with him through the cage. I would try and separate them a bit during the day, maybe buy another cage?
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