Re-introducing myself

[Starr]

I'm Starr and I have been a member for quite some time although I have not been very active at all. I though I'd just give you all an update.

When I first became a member here I had just recently gotten a Severe Macaw "Baby" and a little brown head parrot that was missing some toes "Kiki". We'll after having Baby for about a year, Baby passed on. I've refrained from posting for so long because I felt so responsible for the death of my Baby. I disparately miss my little "Baby" and would do anything to have him back. I believe he may of had some type of kidney disease or something. He had come down sick a few months prior and after rushing him to the vet they had suspected he may have a kidney problem because of the amount of water he was drinking. After giving him fluids and antibiotics and keeping him in an incubator overnight they had suggested that we get some testing done if the problem arises again. The testing was $1800 and there was no guarantee they would be able to help him. I brought him home and stayed with him for days as he recovered. I was in the worst financial condition of my entire life at this time and our family had just spent a ton of $$ trying to save our cat whom ultimately couldn't saved. I barely had the funds to care for our family at the time I simply did not have $1800. He recovered quiet well and seemed to be perfectly fine. I had just moved and had pretty much forgotten about his prior incident. Anyways, a few months later soon after my move he came down sick again only I wasn't home this time to rush him to the vet. I feel so bad... I had seen him that morning as I was rushing out the door to go to work at a new job and didn't notice a thing. Next thing I know I'm getting call at work that my bird is dead. I was devastated and vowed to never get another bird again.

Well, now here I am...I couldn't stand it any longer and have since placed a baby Severe Macaw on hold with a local breeder. I should be bringing him/her home over the weekend if everything goes well. I'm so excited but at the same time I really miss my Baby. Although the new bird personality is quite different i can't help but think of my Baby every time I see him. I've named the new baby "Rio" but often times catch myself calling him "Baby".

By the way, the financial condition has greatly improved for those who may be wondering.

Sorry for the long post...I thought if anyone could understand it would be someone here.

[wildbird]

Of course we understand. Joy is sweeter because of the bitterness of loss, always an implied threat with our loved ones, our hostages to fortune. I'm in bird rescue, and our little ones are so fragile, and we lose so many for unknown reasons, and so many have died in my hands. And sometimes it really is my fault, something I didn't know or didn't remember, or didn't think to do... I still ache for my special ones but I have to keep on going because there are more that need me. I can only imagine the pain of a parent who has lost a child; the pain of a parent whose carelessness has killed a child; so we can only put it in perspective and say this is life, this is my life, this is what I have, this is what I can do, this is what I will do, and it is good. Enjoy your little one.

[Lori~D]

Welcome back - Its going to be a long winter and we all are here to share our ups and downs. Hope its all ups!!!

[Stickyfeet]

Starr,

You cannot beat yourself up over something like this, and certainly not turn it into a reflection of how much you cared for your baby. We've all been there, and I, for one, have been there exactly as you have. I lost our little guy 2 years ago after he was diagnosed with an abdominal tumour, and I just didn't have the money to pursue a course of treatment with him. I tried an anti-cancer diet, but of course it didn't work. I was with him when he died, and hardly a day has gone by that I haven't thought about him - tears never very far away.

10 days ago we brought a new little guy into our home, a kakariki, and while it's different - I had a good cry the first night - slowly, I'm remembering what great fun it was to discover the sweet personality of our new buddy. Today was a good day.

You think that it's impossible to open yourself up again as you once did, but the capacity for love is amazing. Congratulations on your new baby Rio, you will be so happy you brought him into your life.

Best,
Jacki

[Starr]

Thanks for all your support. I'm sorry to hear about your loss as well Jacki.

On a good note, I just returned from a visit with Rio at the breeders and she said I can bring him home on Sunday! He will be on one feeding per day for about another week or two. She said it's not really necessary as he barely eats (5-8 spoonfuls) it but she thinks it would be comforting for him if I hand feed one meal a day. Which is fine with me. Its funny to hand feed him. He gets so excited and makes such a mess of it, cracks me up!

It is different because although Rio looks just like my Baby but he acts quite differently in many ways. He's actually a lot braver and not as pissy. Its been over 6 months now, it's still hard to look at any Severe without thinking of Baby. I don't think I had ever been so attached to an animal like this before. I'm really hopping that I can form this kind of bond with Rio also.

I'm really looking forward to bringing Rio home and all the shopping I have ahead of me this weekend.

[Ginich]

Hi Starr-How about some pics??

[Tobysmom]

welcome back...can wai to see the pics of rio!!!!

[Willow]

Welcome, and yes, please do share photos of little Rio. Baby parrots are wonderful things.

[Starr]

Here are some pictures from August to early September.

[Stickyfeet]

Starr, he's beautiful! What a sweetie!