Dating and birds

[Vega]

Ok guys, I recently met a guy online who said he loves animals. I'm starting to think he loves animals, as long as they are the type he doesn't need to care/pay for. Last night we were talking, well it's come up a few times, he said he thinks it's rediculous to spend so much money on birds that are so fragile. We were talking about how some birds have gotten so stressed over vet visits/wing/nail trims that they've died from it. I can understand his point, however, I have 2 birds that to me have no price limit.

This guy seems very sweet and nice in every other way, but when it comes to my birds I'm kinda concerned. He also said he would never tolerate a "pet" (ugh i hate that word) biting him. Well, with birds...lol

I'm just wondering if anyone else has come across this issue while dating and how things panned out afterwards. I'm seriously considering limiting any type of r/s with this guy to friends only because of this.

[kathleen]

Always go with your gut feeling. If you are already holding back from introducing him to friends and family there is something you are uncomfortable about. Don't just hear...listen to what he says. I have a no excuse policy and try to listen very early on in a relationship whether the person is interested or not. Isn't he already telling you negatives that may drive him away later? When it doesn't go right for him, can't he then say, I told you I won't tolerate (fill in the blank)? It sounds like he's already trying to find a way out.

Dating issues are a very touchy subject and I'm sorry if I have offended you. But, if someone is going to accept me, he has to accept ALL of me...bird and all.

[Kachina]

My guy's not an animal person. He shows pretty much zero interest which makes me kinda sad, but on the other hand he's at least understanding of my love for them. It'd be nice on some days to get someone else to clean fish tanks for once, or to change birdie water when momma is tired, but no dice with this one. He'll look at them, but that's as far as it goes. I love him dearly, and I accept him the way he is. As long as he understands me I'm okay with that.

Go with what your gut tells you is the only advice I can offer. Anyone else in my past who didn't like animals got booted out the door, along with the ones who told me I should get a different occupation. True nice guys that are animal lovers are hard to come by. I'm not saying you should settle, but when the right one comes along you'll know it and he'll at least be okay with having your fids around.

[The Outlaw]

If you start a relationship off with someone who specifically tells you they don't want a high maintenance, biting and exotic pet, then what can you possibly hope will become of it?

If you meet someone who loves to travel and entertain or is a neat freak, then what's the point?

Rarer than bird lovers are mates who are ALSO bird lovers. Most just tolerate these companion pets for the sake of the partner they love. When the reality of the commitment raises its ugly head, something's gotta give. All too often, its the pet that gets tossed aside.

[Vega]

You haven't offended me at all. I haven't dated in YEARS, and when I did I didn't have my fids yet. I just really need some honest opinions on it. I am going to talk to him about this before things go any futher. Later in life I would love to get a macaw, but right now I don't have the money or space for one. So I'm already thinking "would he fight me on that?".

[LivingFiction]

Originally Posted by Kachina

My guy's not an animal person. He shows pretty much zero interest which makes me kinda sad, but on the other hand he's at least understanding of my love for them. It'd be nice on some days to get someone else to clean fish tanks for once, or to change birdie water when momma is tired, but no dice with this one. He'll look at them, but that's as far as it goes. I love him dearly, and I accept him the way he is. As long as he understands me I'm okay with that.

Go with what your gut tells you is the only advice I can offer. Anyone else in my past who didn't like animals got booted out the door, along with the ones who told me I should get a different occupation. True nice guys that are animal lovers are hard to come by. I'm not saying you should settle, but when the right one comes along you'll know it and he'll at least be okay with having your fids around.

I agree with that sentiment. I love Mixed Martial Arts. I love to watch the fights, I teach Kai Ming Martial arts, it's a part of my life and always will be. Jenny has ZERO interest in Martial Arts. But when my fights are on, she makes some dip and tells me to call the boys. She's even picked a few fighters she thinks are handsome and will occasionally watch them fight. The point is, she doesn't have to share my interest, as long as she respects it.

Just as it is your right to have and love your feathered babies. It is his right to not want anything to do with them. There's no reason you can't co-exist unless you try to deny him his right to non involvement with your fids, or if he trys to deny your right to have them.

[bgmacaw]

I'm very lucky in that Lori loves the birds and dogs as much as I do. But there are other aspects of our 'likes' that we don't always share the intensity. This is important because sometimes you just need your own thing to do away from your partner. Doing everything together isn't always healthy. She supports my fishing habit and I support her craft room and skills. As long as you each can be tolerant of the other's passions. You can't lose your 'self' in your partner.

[DocT]

Ok ...heavens know I am way out dated when it comes to dating . I have been married for almost 27 years but do recall the word(((DATE))). But in all honesty if this new person in your life is already telling you he isn't really interested in birds animals etc etc.. I think you may be embarking on a dead end relationship. My husband loves animals and always has but the birds are mine and he isn't really into birds. However he allows me to have them and even helps clean up after them. If I was to say tomorrow I was getting another bird his eyes would roll and he would say where are you going to put it LOL. So I can see that you like this person but don't expect that you will change his way of thinking. Good Luck

Bonnie

[Crebain]

Originally Posted by Vega

...guy seems very sweet and nice in every other way, but when it comes to my birds I'm kinda concerned....

Give him a chance. He may like your birds if he gets to interact with them. Chances are he's not known many really tame birds.

Keep an open mind is my advice, if you like this guy, don't shut the door before you've opened it. You can always dump him later, neh?

[birdyland]

This was a very real subject for me... and not so long ago. I've had Tiki since I was 16.

Prospectives were never required to be as nutty as me about my animals, but they are such a huge part of my life, they had to at least enjoy pets. If they don't like mine, they could have their own, but they had to be tolerent, understanding, respectful, flexible and at least show enough interest to be excited for me when I was excited, sad and understanding if I was sad, etc. etc. etc.

My birds/dog/cat were introduced to boyfriends and friends of any type shortly after meeting or becoming good friends. You know what they say, always trust your kids and your animals; mine it seems are always right.

I met my Husband almost three years ago. He'd never had a bird in his life. But he has always treated my animals, and me, in all the best ways I could ever hope for. He asked questions, he learned, he understands. We don't see exactly eye to eye on many things; but he understands me, and encourages me to surround myself with people and things that make me happy, as I do for him. We were married a bit over a year ago, and while he is still not as nutty as me about birds, he is involved, enjoys himself, enjoys that I am happy, and he genuinely likes the birds and trys hard. As for dogs, he loves them... as for cats he's extremely allergic, and although it's clear I can't ever have another cat, he never made me choose or even think about giving up my current cat, he made do. (she has since passed :-{ ... but not until all was said and done and we were married. ) Now if he had been allergic to birds, that probably would have been different. Again, they are such a big part of me, that it would have caused an incompatability.

If a prospective didn't try, or blatently said something negative about exotic pet ownership, it was an automatic deal breaker. (within reason, I mean I know it's not feasible to have a housefull for most ppl, or to spend a years salary on something for them). BUT I always made sure there was a meeting... or a few, to give them a chance and asertain how they really feel. The automatic deal breaker mentioned above was after I got to know them and they got to know me and the birds.


Go with your gut. How important are your birds, and do you think he could live with them on down the line?? Dad always told me, never continue dating someone you couldn't see yourself marrying. I personally think that is sound advice, and I've followed it.