Real friends

[TooLover]

There were several of us in chat tonight and it occured to me through our talking that this board is very "unfriendly" as far as making friends. For example - if I were not to post for two or three days who would miss me? Be honest now - no one would - and that is a shame. I am not sure what the problem is, and I wish I could fix it................. guess I am once again, the odd man out. Maybe I should just stop posting here and hope that another board will accept me for who I am? Not sure what the answer is................ didn't become a member of the cliche in the beginning....................are there any answers out there?

[TooLover]

Oh well - don't worry about it..................I will lurk around and watch the posts but won't bother with my input.............not that it mattered anyway. Hugs and kissed to those that actually cared about me........................
bye

[Joel]

Ya better stick around or I'm gonna be mad at ya..........

I still disagree with ya and others who say this board is "cliquey". I just don't see it.

(((((To Everyone))))): Websters defines "clique" as: a small "exclusive" group of people.

Exclusive has a few different meanings but the one I usually go with is the one that says: "shutting out all others from a part or share".

Where does that happen on this board, where anyone is shut out of anything? Someone point that out to me, if ya don't mind already.

As I said before in another post, anyone on here is more than welcome to join in with those of us who kid around in the "CAN" for those that think the "CAN" is cliquey or anywhere else some of us are involved in a discussion or debate, joke, argument, skit, etc......The more the merrier.

Other than that small, yet friendly-to-all-group that kid around in there, I wish someone would name names openly or in a pm and point out these so called cliques that some of ya see. Where are they? Maybe it is just my greyish-blonde-ness that doesn't allow me to see them. :?

I'm stopping here to someone points them out.

[TooLover]

You have missed my point. This board is wonderful, don't get me wrong. However, I just don't feel that I have connected with anyone that really gives a damn about me. Instead of "one big happy family" we are all to busy with our own lives to care about anyone else............ just makes me sad... when something is wrong with my fids it would be nice to post on here and know that someone would either respond or call me on the phone..........how many of you know my real name, my point exactly. I am sorry, but I really wanted a "family" that I could reach out to. Guess I need to continue my search. I will continue "lurking" and watching the changes to this board.

[Tiki]

Laurie, of course we care about you and your fids! Maybe not everyone on here shares the wacky sense of humour that some of the CAN people do but that doesn't mean that we aren't here for any member and their fids who need us.

Nobody knows my real name either-that's my choice partly for security and partly for allowing me to be more open and free to kid around with everyone. I also recently had a problem with an ex boyfriend who googled my stage name when I was a professional dancer and tried to hook up with me again. If I ever met anyone in person it would be different......but on the internet sometimes you have to be careful.

I tend to be a little more cautious with non-CAN people just because I don't want to offend them, but once I know they like to kid around I loosen up. You have to just jump in with wise-a$$ jokes!

[jessicaboyer89]

Wow. This is really sad. It is amazing what one angry post can stir up. I really like this board. When I first came here, I knew nothing about birds! I didn't know they could eat anything besides birdseed. Everyone here really helped! And I got to know different personalities...like Joel and his love of full spectrum lighting! :-) The enthusiasm for birds on this board is amazing. Just being on here helps remind me to give Tiki extra snuggles everyday. Maybe things aren't perfect...but we are all(mostly) reasonable people who can work things out. Heck, I would love to give Laurie my phone number and chat about birds in REAL LIFE! I noticed that Greah has been gone for awhile now and noticed that Jill is gone for good for the most part. She was one of the people that first responded to me about Tiki, and I am sad she is gone. But I didn't think anyone cared that I cared. I think I posted once to her that I missed her being around and she didn't respond... so I just let it go. I am personally willing to stop some of my goofing off for the greater good of birdboard. I would really hate to see it disappear. What happened between John and Savvy was really ugly and I thought extremely unnecessary. Please don't let it be the demise of this board.
Jessica

[Chariclo]

Laurie -
You and I have shared before our concerns for this board. I too feel that since joining this board, the people that haven't come back are sorely missed. I've been hanging on myself in hopes that it will get back to where it was when I found it. But regardless of how bad things may appear to be, there isn't any other board I've found suits me better than this one.
I hope you don't go. We absolutely would notice.

[JThw8]

I generally dont stick my nose in although I would certianly like to at times. Having no descernable social life I tend to frequent many boards on many different subjects which interest me. It seems there is always that "in" crowd who tend to participate more with each other. Coming in new is always hard. Overall I will say this board is a bit better about it than some I assure you, but as is typical there will always be those of differing opinion and those who just feel left out. I generally feel left out on alot of boards too, but I fault mostly myself as I dont tend to post for the sake of chatting, I speak up when I feel I have something to say and lurk otherwise. I have "friends" all over the country whom I have never met but would gladly open my door to should they show up there.

There is certainly a level of inside jokes and discussion here which I just dont feel comfortable jumping in on because Im not part of that group, but again, I see myself more at fault than others. I think "the Can" was an appropriate step in the right direction but people should be quicker to move off topic comments there and not completely divert a thread from its initial topic. While some of the issues may seem trivial to some people they are important concerns to the people who posted them and deserve to be responded to as such.

As for the infighting I have learned long ago not to take sides and not let my own "feathers" get ruffled by anyones personality. If I dont like what someone says I can respectfully disagree or I can ignore it, but I will not make personal attacks nor will I participate in a debate of personal attacks.

One last note as long as Im on my soapbox, not directed at anyone in particular but just an observation. There are some younger members on the board, and many of us older codgers as well. To the young folks, please bear in mind, your contemporaries are well versed in your net lingo. Im well versed in it because its my business to do so, but when addressing a serious (or semi serious) forum with questions and comments it makes you sound illiterate and childish. I know its just an accepted standard and you are all much more intelligent than it makes you sound but honestly its not much more difficult to type you're than UR and you will come off as a bit more serious to us. Sorry, its just a pet peeve of mine, and Im a hypocrite because I use it in private messages to my friends, but mostly because they know how I feel about it and find it funny for me to do it ;)

Stepping down off my soapbox and going to give Laurie a hug and beg her to stay with us :)

[TooLover]

I am not going anywhere, and this post wasn't a pity post looking for attention, or people begging me to stay. This post was for all of us to open our eyes, and minds, and maybe make this place a bit friendlier for all.

[smallonion]

I have to say I wouldn't notice if someone didn't post for a few days, because I occasionally don't post for a few days (it's rare though, but we all have our crises to deal with occasionally). However, if someone wasn't around for like a month, I'd definitely ask.

On to not replying to questions - I was horrified to see no one replied to "Taming a Cocky" in Ttraining Techniques, which the poster wrote on October 7th. She wanted some advice on taming her rescue Cockatoo who is scared to death of everything. Don't worry, I sent her an audio link of a bird behaviorist interview, outlining step by step an exact, gentle technique. If anyone else wants the link, let me know privately and I'll send it - It was part of a paid bird training package I had bought, so I can't post it publicly.

As for friends, I think it's just like life - lots of acquaintances, fewer friends. I met one member in person (Feather Heaven), just missed meeting another (Lisa B - and I'll meet you next time I 'm in America I swear) and have one I talk to on the phone occasionally (Tirtak). I think that is amazing! My husband says that birdboard must be a wonderful place, and he's right. Where else could I get people I have never met taking the time to wishi me a happy reunion with my bird who I missed for one week!? and other little birdie issues that would be minor to non-bird people.

Laurie, I am sorry you have felt left out - I've felt this way sometimes in the Lounge - I don't post much there because there are a lot of 'private jokes' and back references that I don't get! I don't feel anyone has deliberately excluded me though.
Best
Michele and Humph