My morning was broken ...

[Graehstone]

This was yesterday morning, but wasn't sure if I should post this here, or anywhere else for that matter. Sorry if it's kind of a downer, but I feel "safe" here, just needed some reasuring from a GREAT friend before I took the plunge to post.

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My oldest daughter called from Germany, and it seems she is in trouble (again). But this time I can't help her. She's a big girl now (23 in 2 weeks) and needs to fix this by herself. But it does not make it any easier.

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Morning has broken, like the first morning
Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird
Praise for the singing, praise for the morning
Praise for the springing fresh from the world

Sweet the rain's new fall, sunlit from heaven
Like the first dewfall, on the first grass
Praise for the sweetness of the wet garden
Sprung in completeness where his feet pass

Mine is the sunlight, mine is the morning
Born of the one light, Eden saw play
Praise with elation, praise every morning
God's recreation of the new day

I awoke this morning with this coursing through my head as I slowly
began to realize that I was no longer asleep but in that state of
"inbetweeness". I don't rightly know where in the heck it came from
as I have not heard that song in a very long time, but it brought me
rather gently back into the world that I must inhabit during the day,
and very far away from a dream that I did not care to stay in, at all.
Funny how we live, once during the reign of light and control, and
once during the time our "other selves" hold sway over our emotions
and fears.
There has been many a time I wished never to have to come out into the
light again, to just stay there in the world of dreams, hopes and
aspirations, to be other than what and who I am.
Seems that there, right behind the lids of our eyes and in the
recesses of our minds dwell kinder worlds, as well as realms of
horror, and it is never our choosing as to which we will be
transported to when we dare let loose the reigns that guide our
chariots.
I wish I could give proper credit to the person that wrote this next
poem, but alas as with many things in my life, it escapes me only to
be lost forever. It touched me in such a way that it will be with me
to the days end, for that is all our lives really are, just a single
day in the scheme of things.

Deep inside an insane mans mind,
dwell strange thoughts of a different kind,
the fires of Hell fixed 'tween their ears.
The peace of Elysium resides in their tears.

No sane man can think or comprehend
the strange thoughts that push them to their end,
for they are the thoughts that unlock the key,
to all sane men's insanity

How infinitesimally small and unimportant we all are, how quickly we
are forgotten, gone, deleted, inconsequential in all ways but one. We
live on in our children, or so they say, they are our immortality, for
as long as Man inhabits the Stars, a piece of you will remain. A
speck in the vast emptiness that is, when viewed from the outside,
nothing more than a bowl of primordial soup.
To have failed in life is not a sin, nor is it of much consequence, if
you leave nothing of yourself behind. But … if you have, continued
your line, sown your seed and failed to nourish that which by all
rites should be the single most important accomplishment of every
being alive, and not give it every humanly possible chance to thrive,
then … then you are of even less value than those that take lives as
adornments for their uniforms or trophies for their walls. You
create fodder and nothing more.
Be it the will of God or be it Fate, be it circumstance beyond your
control or just the fickle nature of things, makes no difference when
your soul tears itself to unrecognizable shreds as guilt grabs hold
and tightens it's grip ever so slowly until the "inbetweeness" of our
two lives remains the norm.
The past is the past and no drug or shaman can change that, and much
wiser men than I have said since time immemorial that there is a time
that one must let go of the seed and let the wind take it where it
will. To either take root, grow, survive and thrive, or land on
barren ground, to shrivel and die. But the cruelest of nature's jokes
must truly be to fall short of the Elysian Fields by just a fraction
forever showing you what could have been but never will.
That one word, that one deed, that one … something, that you could
have, should have done to have it travel just that tad farther to
reach the soil of life and future, will forever elude you and haunt
you and torture you with every breath taken, wondering, blaming,
berating, till in the end there is naught left.
I am without recourse, what will be, will be.
I tether myself to those that have a firmer grip on life and reality
and find consolation, scant as it may be, in the fact that I am of
(some) consequence to those whose lives I have touched and am
touching, I find solace in the arms of those that see the world as it
is meant to be seen, full of beauty and wonder, full of promise and
love.
Deep will I bury my pain and fear lest it corrupt all that I touch,
and pray for forgiveness, forgiveness for the Sins of Omission, for
the Sins of Abandonment, even if the only place they call home are the
nether realms of my mind and no place else.
Two there are in my life, both of which can carry me to the stars.
Both began their journey's at the same starting line, both the same
chances, or lack thereof. One blessed, and the other …
Romulus and Remus, Cain and Able, forever the story will remain the same.
I just pray that the Master will allow Scheherazade another night in
which to tell her stories, stories with happy endings for all time,
night after night after night.

Morning has broken and this "black bird" has spoken. Lost for the
moment are my shades of grey.

Much love to all of you.

[Chariclo]

Thank you for sharing your special gift with all of us Graeh. You are such an inspiration. May you always feel "safe" with us here.

[TooLover]

[LtlWngdAngl]

thank you Graeh, for sharing. Like Melissa said, I hope you always feel safe here!

[jessicaboyer89]

I always comment on your writing...only because I find you're outlook on life inspiring. I am going through a painful time right now and it helps to read your words.
Thank you.

[Tiki]

Wow, Graeh! As usual I am really impressed by your thoughts and ability to express yourself. I used to write poetry but just haven't been inpsired lately. Too busy in real life, I guess.

That song brings back memories--believe it or not I used to be in the choir (Catholic) and we would sing that song at the "exchanging a sign of peace" at Mass. I always loved it!

Thank you for sharing!

[cgrite]

Bravo my friend..........