My eldest daughters job interview

[TooLover]

Tracey,
I know you don't want her on medication for her depression, however, it really and truly does make a difference. I take anti-depressant meds each and every day; I have been told I will have to take them until the day I die. It is a chemical imbalance and runs in my family. I have tried the natural remedies and for me they didn't do a thing.
I really do feel your pain as far as your daughter. My daughter graduated from high school early with all of these dreams of going to school for hair dressing. The first 8 months out of school she slept, ate, and "played". When she finally got a job she held it for maybe 2 months and decided she didn't like it. She has since had 3 jobs, and this one is a go-nowhere job; just a paycheck.
Crebain's remarks were a little harsh, in my opinion. As you answered, unless you are "wearing the shoes" you don't know what you would do in any given situation. I love my daughter, as you love yours, and I will support her until the time that she finds herself.
Keep your chin up and know that you aren't alone in this situation................. our children didn't come with instruction manuals and we do the best that we can!

[Vankarhi]

Until the time she finds herself - that is exactly it Laurie!!! You said it. Thank you. I am hoping this job or whatever full time job it is she ends up with, gives her the strength/self esteem/financial independance that she will need to then go on and "find herself".

[jessicaboyer89]

Hello Tracey! Since I am around your daughter's age I thought I'd comment. :)
I have worked in many offices over the years since I graduated high school and do now while I go to university. With a little confidence, I think your daughter is at the perfect age to get an admin. type job. She's not too young but young enough that an employer isn't going to expect lots of experience and will probably be willing to train her. It's sad (but true) but I'd say how she looks is going to play a big part of getting the job she wants. Last year I worked in an office and all the interviewees hired for admin./entry level jobs were based almost solely on looks (presentation, not beauty) and confidence. If she looks the part and goes in there with a smile on her face and is friendly too, then she has an advantage. Even if she has to force herself, eye contact is really important. We had so many girls come in and just look at the floor the entire interview. Honestly, the didn't have a chance. Plus, tell her to be extra nice to the receptionist. Many human resources people will ask the receptionist for their first impressions and opinions (I was asked almost on a daily basis). I almost had it down to a science at my last job. I would guess, based on my first impression of someone coming in for an interview, if they were going to get the job they were applying for. If someone came in that was too full of themselves or too shy they almost never got the job. But if they were smiling, friendly and not intimidated, they usually did. As a girl, I know it's important to feel "pretty" to feel confident. Maybe she could go to clinique and have them show her how to do her makeup and a good haircut and shoes always helps!
I personally think you sound like a great mother Tracey! I don't care how old I am, a nice vote of encouragement from my mother always helps!! :) I have met so many people at my school (around 21) that have their parents paying for their tuition, living expenses, car, car insurance, cell phone bills, clothing, ect. And the only thing they do is show up to class in their p.j.s and get drunk on the weekends. Now that's pathetic!!!
Good luck to your daughter!!!!

[Vankarhi]

Thankyou Jessica, you sound like a lovely girl. I know that appearances do make a difference, plus attitude. I was 37 when i got a full time job at the local TAFE college as an office administrator. I was totally thrown in the deep end. I had done an office admin level 3 course at the college, then was told by one of the teachers to get my butt down to the office and put my resume in as some jobs were going. I did not think I had a hope in hell (lack of confidence even though I was the best in the class and finished 7 weeks before everybody else). She eventually left a message for me and demanded I get my "butt' down and put in a resume as they were interviewing the next day. I got an interview the next day, and started work the following day. Apparently they asked that teacher which person she recommende and she said Tracey. I remember learning how to dress and answer questions etc during the course and that is what I am trying to prime Kara for. Unforturnately Kara is a "big' girl (nothing intended by that, just being honest) she is now a size 20 and she was a size 12 in grade 12 (our sizes are different to those in America, I think yours sizes are smaller than ours). That is why I wanted to make sure the clothes she chose fitted her properly and were suitable for the interview. I do not buy her clothes otherwise, except for birthdays and xmas, and she picks them out anyway, I just pay for them. We do not pay all her bills, just helped her with her car and food (and once we paid her bond and rent so she could move into the unit she is in now). Now it is only food, as we will not fix the car again, for a couple of reasons, we can't afford to keep doing it as we still have 4 dependant kids at home, plus she does need to learn to stand on her own 2 feet, as well she needs the exercise. She does seem to be snapping out of "whatever" it is she has been in - rutt/depression etc. I have already told her if she does not get this job, then we will keep trying, she should look at this interview then as practice and not a failure, if she is unsuccessful. I just hope she does get it, and hopefully life will only improve for her and her dependance on us will lessen. Unfortuneatley for also she seems to be attracted or attract the wrong type of people as friends and acquantances, which does not help her either, and it all boils down to self esteem. She is not involved in drugs or alcohol, just extremely low self confidence and self esteem. Thank you for your kind thoughts and advice.

[melster122]

I think you are a great mum. I suffered from low self esteem and confidence and my mum was always there for me when I needed her. If your mum isn't there when you need her, who else will be. Unfortunately for me my mother died 11 years ago (just 8 weeks before my daughter was born) and then my sister 7 months later. I had to stand on my own two feet very quickly and I am a lot more forceful than I was (but still need a lot of reassurance which my husband now gives me). My friends still say I am very insecure though.

My daughter (nearly 11) is being bullied at school and some days I would happily go to school for her and leave her at home because I can't stand to see her so upset. The old maternal instincts kick in don't they. As a mother you will do anything to help and protect your children, to help them get on and to keep them safe.

If I was in your shoes I would be doing exactly the same thing and I am sure your daughter is very grateful.

I hope it all works out in the end for you both.

[Tiki]

Don't forget the temp agencies! They are not quite as fussed about presentation as an actual company would be. They will give her typing speed tests and tests in Word, Excel and any other software she is familiar with. Companies use temps when their staff go on leave or they get too busy. She won't have to interview at the company, the agency just rings and tells her to show up at whatever time. At worst she gets some experience and extra cash, at best if they like her she may get taken on board permanently. She could also try call centres, they would also be less fussed about physical appearance as long as she has a nice telephone manner.

[Vankarhi]

Melster, I know how you feel. My daughter kara, used to come home crying when at primary school, that she had no friends and was being teased. when she got to high school though she appeared to have a lot of friends, who I knew and they seemed like nice kids. She went to a couple of parties when in grade 11 and 12, but always would ring us to come and get her by about 8.30pm (she wanted to sleep in her own bed). I allowed her to have a couple of drinks by that stage when out, and she would never get drunk. I could not even smell alcohol on her. Apparently she was being teased by a group of boys continually since grade 8. They teased her about her body, certain parts being "big", the rest of her was quite normal then. It came to a climax in grade 12 her senior year, when she put 2 boys on sexual harrassement charges. After talking to Kara, i decided to go to the school and try to sort it out. I told the deputy head master that if she did not sort the "ringleader" out, then I would go and see if parents as they lived up the road from us. i told her that I had been told that his parents would flog the living daylights out of him, if I did this (and she knew him and his family and agreed). So I just said, sort it out or I would. These boys were teasing Kara at the bus stop, on the school bus, at school and had started tormenting her while she was at work at Macdonalds (she still works there). The would come in and make lurid comments and say things like gee we need to "mow" and look straight at Kara and laugh. They were talking about the hair on the upper lip. Since my girlfriend waxed Kara's upper lip, she seems quite pleased with herself. She actually told my eldest son that she felt 'pretty". She is now trying to lose weight. I just hope it all falls into place for her soon. Family to me is important. I know what it is like to be rejected by family. My bio father and have nothing to with each other and my mother blames me for what happened to me as a child. this did not come out until an arguement my mother and myself had just over 2 years ago (I had always suspected it though) and now she ignores me like I never existed. That hurts - even at my age. i know how that feels and never want my kids to feel that. That is why I am the way I am. I do try not to interfer to much though, but sometimes it is hard to draw the line. Keep doing what you are doing and love your daughter (and other children if any), life is just too short.

Tiki, temp work would be good for Kara, just that Maca's are so hard to work around if you do not have a job with regular hours. She needs to have a job with regular hours, not be called in on short notice, because then if she has a shift at maca's she would either have to giver her shift away (which she has to find someone herself) or ring in sick (so they have to find someone) and I am sure Macdonalds would only tolerate that for a short time before sacking her. If she had a full time job, then she could work at Maca's maybe 2 shifts a week at night or weekends. Even if the the job was part-time, she would still be able to work something out. just being on call at the moment probably is not suitable. If she did not have even maca's I would make her jump at the idea. (which I am sure she would do gladly).

Thanks again everybody. The interview is tonight, so when we know, I will let you know.

[melster122]

Tracey,

I have been thinking about you and your daughter today and hope that the interview went well. The thing is to remain as positive as possible. If she didn't get the job just think of the interview as a practise run, so that she can gain more interviewing skills.

I think the most important thing one can do when bringing up children (I have two Jess who is 10 and Jack who is 6) is to give them as much self confidence as possible so they can go out into the big bad world and cope with whatever the world throws at them. Obviously it is also important to love them. We have bought up our daughter and son exactly the same way and yet they are so different. Jack has so much self confidence and thinks he is bright, clever, popular, good looking, funny etc etc. Jess on the other hand thinks she has no friends, is really stupid (she does have a few learning difficulties) and is very ugly. Most of the people I know think she is a wonderful little girl.

It is very difficult to install self confidence in some people and people are what they are. I have tried everything with Jess but it just isn't there. I am the same however. I really don't have any self confidence although I pretend I do. I worry so much about every little thing and drive my husband mad!!!! My mother was there when I needed her but was also quite critical of me. My sister was unfortunately born with a club foot and my mother blamed herself for that and favoured my sister. What my sister wanted she got. I often felt very left out. My sister was very very clever and my mother kept reminding me of this. I wasn't quite so clever and struggle at school but did alright.

Anyway enough about me. I just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you both.

How am I going to cope when my kids go out into the world? I find the day to day life of primary school difficult enough!! :aiwebs_01

[Vankarhi]

Thankyou Melster for your kind thoughts, it is so comforting to know others are thinking of kara at this time - it means a lot to us. I told Kara about what you and others said and it did make her feel better. She was very nervous, but I kept telling her to just be herself, smile, make eye contact without eyeballing and just talk - make conversation, but basically be herself. As she got out of my car, I told her she looked very pretty and that put a smile on her face. she came out smiling and they told her they would get back to her. Pretty normal stuff. They did ask her if she would be able to do 2 days trial and she said yes, they also asked her if she could come in on the weekend to meet the "big" boss and if she would need to tell work about the trial. she said yes to everything as obviously she would need to organise someone to do her shift or something for Friday. Not sure if they meant this Fri/Sat or next. They also asked her if she minds cleaning as there is a lot of cleaning and reception work and she said she is used to cleaning as she does that at Macca's also. But it does sound hopeful. I have been telling kara that if she does not get this job then to look at it as practice and to ring them up and ask for feedback so she can learn and improve her interviewing skills. I know she will be dissapointed if she does not get this one, she is so looking forward of seeing less of Macca's, but hopefully she will have it all in perspective and we will continue to put resume's in everywhere, she will be lucky eventually.

[PArRoT_CrAzy11]

I feel your pain. I plan to go to medical school soon University of Michigan Ann Arbor that leaves me with no time and no money.