My eldest daughters job interview

[Vankarhi]

My 21 year old daughter, Kara, has been working at Macdonalds Family restaurant for over 5 1/2 years now. They very rarely give Kara more than 20 hours a week, prefering to hire the younger ones (of which I have 3 teenagers working at Macdonalds also after school). She has been applying for permanent fulltime jobs for some time and finally got an interview in a Beauty shop for a trainee office administrator. We are hoping and praying she gets this job. She is so lacking in self esteem, and seems to be in a rutt where she is. She is having trouble making ends meet and can't even afford to get her car fixed. I help her out whenever I can with Stephen fixing her car and buying parts for it himself, but now her car needs a new motor and we just can't afford that at the moment. We buy her food (quite often) when she is broke. i have been doing the job applications and taking her to businesses in town all over the place in the hope that someone will offer her a job. My motto to her is "you have to be in it to win it". We gave her the money and bond for the unit she is in now, so she could move from the place she was in. I just cannot help her any more than what I do. I feel she always "expects" mum to help out with money and whatever else, although she deny's that. I really really really want my daughter (and all my other children) to stand on their own two feet and be proud of who they are and what they are doing. If she can get this job and then hold on to Maca's for maybe 2 shifts a week, then she will be able to fully support herself and save to buy a better car. She seems to be really trying now to change her life around. She has started to exercise (she needs to lose about 25 kgs), she walks to work, and is trying to run with some friends of hers. She actually wants to get a fulltime job now and aim for a better standard of living (I hope I am explaining myself properly). I took her out yesterday and bought her some clothes for the job interview on Tuesday and have started priming her for the sort of questions they may ask her. Just so she may be ready mentally for the interview. she does not like shopping for clothes because nothing normally fits her, but yesterday she felt "pretty" (I could see it in her face) in the clothes I picked out for her. And I thought she looked lovely. My eldest son (24 years old) told me last night that Kara said she felt "pretty' because a friend of mine waxed her upper lip and now she does not have a moustache. It is really sad heh!! She is such a beautiful person, but because she was so badly teased at school, I did not realise how bad until she was in grade 12, then I put a stop to it. Probably also the tension in my first marriage did not help either. I have blabbed on here I know, but I just wanted everyone all over the world to think of my daughter and hope and pray that she gets this job. Fingers, toes, arms, legs, butts crossed for her please. THANKS.

[Tiki]

Tracey I feel your pain. I was a temp for 2 years until I got my current full-time perm job. I am hopeless at job interviews, I look terrible in a suit-like I don't belong in one. I don't remotely look corporate-ish, I am very much a free spirit. I was lucky, the company that had me as a temp got to know me and my capabilities and took me on permanently. If things don't go well at the interview, maybe your daughter can try this approach. I never got the whole interview thing anyway, they just show who looks good in a suit and has "corporate presentation" not who can do the job.

[TooLover]

Tracey,
I am praying for her. I know what you are going through. I have a 18 year old daughter who I call my "lost child". She still lives at home because frankly she can't afford not to!

[JoT]

Aww, I will keep her in my prayers. Let us know how it goes.

[Crebain]

She's 21 and you do her job applications for her? And you pick out the clothes she interviews in?

If your daughter is disabled in some way, then I wish you both the best of luck. If not, my suggestion would be to stop blaming yourself for her apparent lack of motivation, and let her take more responsibility for herself. Step 1 might be selling the car and getting a moped or using public transportation.

By all means, keep being supportive, but also try to stop propping this young adult up.

Just my .2¢.

[LMPego]

I'm sending out good thoughts for your daughter's interview...

[Peregrine Harlequin]

Hopefully things work out with your daughter, Tracey. And the next time she's being down on herself, tell her that things could always be worse.

Take me for example. Two years ago I really started questioning what I was doing in college. I didn't have many friends, and I usually felt out of place when I was with them (and my "best" friend had to deal with being open about his homosexuality, so if I felt out of place with him....). Then my dog died (kidney disease) and I effectively dropped out of college. I worked for two months at a camp that summer, but was unable to find a job after that. I tried playing bass for a local band. But after playing with them for about a month (and a show, to boot!), they told me they wanted to try someone else (and on my birthday, too!).

So for the next 10 months I couldn't find anything. And mom alternating between berating me for being unemployed and scolding me for being down on myself all the time really didn't help much.

And just when I couldn't feel worse about myself, Toys "R" Us called me last August. Because of my anxiety (?) and some questionable operating procedures, I didn't go back for day two. In November I got a call from a bank, but was unable to go to an interview or even call them back!

Now, it's one thing if you can't find a job. But when you find one and you can't follow through with it, you really start to question all sorts of things about yourself.

And now my other dog is hovering between getting old and falling apart and being bad enough to put out of his misery. He had another seizure several hours ago, and that really got to me. He'll be lucky if he makes it to this time next month.

So here I sit, unemployed, uneducated, unattractive, and alone. The concert season is gearing up and I can't even keep a crappy job to go to one concert. I'm losing my hair, already lost all self esteem years ago, and could lose a few pounds. I'm about to lose another of my best friends, and the closest thing to friends of my own that I have right now are all the weird screen names on this site.

So I wish your daughter the best of luck.

And I just realized that this post could have been a bit more upbeat. And I know I'm not the only one who deals with difficult times. But it's been kind of a rough day with my doggie friend, and me being happy just ain't working. Sorry.

[Vankarhi]

Luke you probably sound "similar" to my daughter. She suffers depression (not saying you do though), but is not on medication, I have tried to encourage natural remedies. Without knowing my or her background (for others reading this), my ex husband (Kara's bio father) was addicted to and still is addicted to drugs and not just mary j anymore. His family are all but one addicted to some form of drugs, so I would prefer Kara not to take any unnecessary drugs if possible. I realise that depression sometimes requires medication, but she is not suicidal or anything like that. My first marriage, was pretty bad (understatement) and that has affected how Kara sees herself. Different things affect different people in different ways. Some people are stronger than others and can cope with different situations. I hope you guys understand. I myself am a strong person and do find it hard to understand Kara at times.

Crebain, I do appreciate your 2cents worth and I totally understand what you are saying. But when it is "your" own flesh and blood, things are different, believe me. My friends consider me to be pretty tough on my kids. Kara does not live at home even though she cannot affored to be "out there" either. We live out of town and she cannot walk to work from where we live. she is better off in town, just needs a break. Yes, she needs to get off her !@#$$# and do it for herself, but kids like her also need a bit of support, and when no-one else is going to do it then it should come from her family. I believe I gave birth to these kids and they are my responsiblity for life. Sure we hope they grow in fine young citizens who don't need us much anymore once they leave home, but that does not happen all the time. My 24 year old son is a different kettle of fish, he and his partner have good jobs and just bought their first home last year and his partner is the same age as Kara. Kara is lucky if she earns $250.00 a week and has to pay $130.00 per week in rent, then food and electricity, which does not leave much for anything else. A lot of times she only gets just over $200.00. I do try to encourage her and I do not normally interfer with what she does, but in this instance, I will continue to help her and encourage her until she gets a full time job, even if that means doing her resume's and letters of applicationa and physically taking her in my car (as her car is out of action) and helping her to get out of that rutt. I chose (actually I did not choose her clothes, she did, I just made sure they fitted her properly) her clothes, because she really has no idea on what to wear for a job interview (I did not buy her a suit either) and she does not have the finances to buy new clothes either. We went second hand shopping and nothing fitted her, so we went to Target and Kmart and found some clothes there for her. I am hoping with a full time job and maca's as a second job, she will find the financial support she needs herself to become an independant, self assured, more positve young lady (that I know is within her), and find her full potential, and hopefully need me only for advice from then on. But we have to start somewhere!?!?

Just reread what you said crebain and Kara has not used her car for about 6 months, we decided not to fix it anymore, both because we can't afford it but also to make her walk and use buses (exercise would be good for her). She has a push bike and today got a pair of roller blades from us (the other kids don't use them any more anyway) so she can get to work on her own body power.

Thanks everyone for your support. I do appreciate it.

[The Outlaw]

Tracey:

What is she GOOD at? Not what does she need to know to get any kind of job, but what INTERESTS her? My mother and father didn't understand art. They never considered it a real job. Consequently, I was encouraged to learn to type and take shorthand to get a real job. Right. I hated working in offices and consequently stopped doin that by the 7th year of my high school graduation. Since then, I've had wonderful, fun and interesting jobs of all kinds.

I have learned to weld, do upholstery, arrange flowers, cook, do research, some hospice volunteer work, landscape, shoe horses, swing a hammer, turn a wrench and all kinds of other stuff. You don't know unless you try.

I suggest now is the time to explore all of those possibilities. Think outside the box. Create a need and then produce a product. Petsitting, baby sitting, dog walking, running errands for the elderly, doing office janitorial work, whatever. I tried lots of different things, met some fascinating folks and before you knew it, I had my own business and made more than enough money to do whatever it was I wanted to do. Between doing floral design work and upholstery work, I managed to save over $10,000 in one year. In fact, I was able to pay for our daughter's wedding in cash, by doing those same jobs during the day and getting paid for them and doing side jobs doing my OWN weddings and canvas boat work. I was able to do my daughter's wedding flowers at wholesale costs and pay for everything else just from learning a new skill and applying it practically.

I would suggest that she try a new haircut or whatever it takes to make her feel more comfortable when she does interview, but its really about what's going on inside. She is so young. Life is a banquet! Taste it all.

THE OUTLAW

[Vankarhi]

I totally agree with you Nancy. And I must admit (i know you should not start a sentence with "AND" either. LOL) you seem to be a very learned person with a wealth of experience in many things. Sort of a jack of all trades, heh! I do not care what Kara chooses to do as a full time job now, she does not seem to really know what she wants to do. At the moment she thinks maybe hairdressing or office administation. We are just applying for everything and anything and putting resumes in to all business around town. We did the hairdressers last week. She always had an interest in hairdressing, but never went down that avenue. I have tried for years to encourage her to apply for anything and do courses that might interest her, but she just couldn't or maybe didn't know what she wanted to do. You learn from your mistakes, and I learned a BIG one many years ago. Kara wanted to be a chef, and I discouraged it (now i know I should not have) I thought that working in the hospitality industry was not the best job. I worked in that industry and as a mother of 3 children then, it probably was hard (especially when your are in a very bad marriage), but for a single girl, it could have been a dream come true. Who knows, but that is one lesson I have learnt, I will only encourage my kids now, and not change what they seem good at and what they feel they would like to do. Kara now does not want to work in the hospitality industry, seeing as she has worked at Macdonalds for the past 5 1/2 years. I have suggested she appy for an apprenticeship as a chef, but she has no interest now. One of our other children is showing an interest in hospitality and I will not discourage that if that is what she chooses. Kara seems to think that she would like to work in an office now, and she is really very excited about this job interview on Tuesday at a beauty shop as a Trainee Office Administator. You know she is really a beautiful girl, with a heart of gold, who really just needs to be given a break. Just like so many young people out there. She has had a couple of boyfriends who have used her and not treated her the way she deserves and this has not helped her self esteem either. The sad thing is, i can see "me" in her when I was much younger. I started to find myself when my ex husband and I split up when I was 35. I so hope my kids find themselves long before then.

Boy can i talk - sorry about that, but I am passionate about my kids, family and my feathered and furred family. Thanks for listening and for your advice and support.