How to Deal with Relatives that Eat your Self Confidence

[Lady Kakata]

Yeah, my family doesn't do positive re-enforcement or even basic 'I like you' very well. Praise does not exist. It's the reason I'm a walking bag of nerves, neurosis, and emotional disquiet

But anyway, a question. A relative has had surgery. I live with this relative. She at first was very tired and lay down a lot. Now she has turned into a demon from Hell insisting that everything is a mess and therefore I'm a bitch for letting it get this way

The problem? I spend HOURS cleaning. Cleaning is all I do. I clean throughly, I clean well, I'm the only one that really does it. Therefore, I become intensely upset when accused of being a lazy bitch for not doing anything, despite what I DO do and everything I try to do for her and the family

What should I do before I crack up and go completely insane?

[MissV]

Confront your relative on how this makes you feel. But honestly, if nothing seems ready to change you may have to face the choice of moving out.

it depends on your situation. Is it their good graces that are allowing you to stay there? If it's that, then you're kind of stuck...but if you pay rent or actually own the place yourself, don't put up with the crap. Tell them they have no right to talk to youlike that, period. But be prepared for a shouting match and eventually moving/kicking her out. :/

There isn't much you can do but be honest and not let this go on....in the end, it's more healthy for you. It's wrong to treat anyone that way and they clearly either don't recognize that his behavior is wrong or care enough to change it. I will pray for you that it is the former. *hug*

[Lady Kakata]

Well, I'm a graduate and I have absolutely no money until I get a job or some other money miricle happens. My mother basically absorbed my room for my sisters so I'm stuck living with grandparents (yes, there's a theme of females hating each other)

I've confronted her, and she backs down for about two days but then it starts again. This time she'll feel beyond reproach because of the operation

Sometimes I just want to put my head into a bag and scream.

Or I just talk to Angel. Angel always makes me feel better.


EDIT: Graduate of DipHE. And I've had no congratulations from the family.I hate 98% of them.

[MissV]

Have you talked to your mom about what's going on?

[Lady Kakata]

no, she doesn't care

well ive had a blow up. brb while i try and calm down from being called a baby and being told to grow up

[Greycloud]

One thing you have to realize about the recoverying relative. Most people go through a depression after the operation. It is normal actually. Sometimes caused by anesthesia. If the relative is older it occurs more often. It is hard when depression manifests itself as anger. Feelings get hurt. This person is not able to do their normal activities. I understand that your family is not very complimentary of eachother and this can be painful. It is a real shame when family can't show love for one another. Being that you live in thier house all you can do is keep doing what you can to help out. Be patient and try to understand the others feelings and what they are going though. It still does not give them the right to verbally abuse you. You have to tell this person that you understand thier frustration but you deserve to be treated better. Stick to your guns about this respect and stay in your room if you have to.
By the way, congrats on your successful education aquirements.

[jaded1313]

I've been in a simliar situation (probably not to that degree though). Happily I now have my own place. I only talk to the relatives I want to- when I want to. And they don't get to come over here. You might check the classifieds for someone looking for a roommate? (and some very cheap rent?) Sometimes if several people split it, its not too bad. Cramped, and you have a whole 'nother set of issues with the roommates, but they are different then family. If you absolutely can't move- just work on saving money so you can get your own place in the future- it will give you something to look forward to. SOOO worth it. Good luck!