How do you know if your ready for kids?

[RockysMom]

I know that sounds like a funny question, but really how do you know if your ready for them? My bf and I have been talking about trying now, instead of later. For awhile I wasn't sure if I even wanted kids, but the older I got of course now I want them. An we are expecting problems trying to get pregnant, because I have PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome), there are serveral things involved with it, but the main thing is fertility issues. My older sister has it and it took her 2 years to get pregnant and it finally happened with IUI. I figured if we wait until about 26 or 27 to start trying we could be almost thirty before it happens, and I'll be honest I don't want to be an older mom, so if we start now if it happens right away that's fine, but if not and it takes a couple years at least we won't be close to 30. We would like to have 2 kids. I guess what scares me the most is being responsible for someone elses life. I know I have the pets, but it feels different to me then having pets. I can't ask anyone else my older sister says I'm to immature for kids and I have no clue what I am getting myself into, and I understand you really don't know until you have them. My bf and I have been together for 9 years, living together for 5 of those so we are at a good spot in our relationship. Being married is not high on the list, so that doesn't have to happen first (no offense to anyone), but to us it's a piece of paper. So what advice to the moms on here have? Please be completely honest, don't sugar coat anything!

[MaryG1959]

My completely honest opinion is that a commitment (to each other) is the most important thing. Although marriage may not seem like a big deal---"TO ME" (MY PERSONAL OPINION) it shows that you are willing to work things out "come what may" and ONLY THEN would I consider bringing kids into it.

Believe it or not by my above post, I'm quite liberal...been married more than once and lived with someone more than once.

I see what divorce can do to kids---and----living together is MUCH easier to have end in tragedy....

Just my opinion....

[RockysMom]

Even though we are young, both 24, we have had some pretty hard things come up in both our lives that tested our commitment to each other, and we have worked through them together. I also know what divorce does to kids. My parents got divorced when I was about 8, but they did end up getting remarried a few years later and have been happily married ever since, so I do know the feeling. I'm not saying we will never get married, it's just not something that has to happen before the kids come.

[sailorkelly]

I am pro adoption. lol. If we ever do decide to have kids we will be adopting. I don't think we ever will get to that point. I am 24 an can't imagine giving up my life to take care of a baby. I am anti baby though lol. We have talked about my health problems an I don't think I could handle being pregnant or want to pass on my genes. So if we do decide to have kids we will adopt a toddler. Diapers are gone and we can still tell them we are there parents.

[Jag]

If you really want kids, and you know you're ready to handle whatever comes of it... then go for it. Only you can really *know*. That said... they are expensive, you lose alot of sleep.. there's alot of 24/7 responsibility. If you don't feel well they don't care. After about 12 years of them looking to you for answers you suddenly become the dumbest person on the planet, and they will seethe and hiss at you... with their hand extended for money! You may end up not liking the person who has parented the kids with you... but until that child is 18 you will still have to deal with them. UGH!! It's much harder when you don't have family support. Discuss parenting styles and how you feel about handling problems before you even try to have kids. If you're having disagreements now about it... then don't. You'll each most likely act like your parents. Moving isn't about where you want to live... it's about where the 'good schools' are.. and then you can't go moving once they reach a certain age because all their friends are there and it would really suck to have to move when they have 'roots' down. This is why we live where we live and why we're counting down until we can move away! There's good and bad to everything. This is no different. I can't think of a really good way to prepare yourself other than pay attention and talk to parents who are like you... and talk to each other about it a lot.

[HarLEYsDAD]

I'm not a mom but...

Does every couple need to have kids? No. I have a friend that after spending thousands on fertility drugs has finally decided to adopt. With the money she spent trying to get pregnant she could have bought a kid a long time ago!

I just don't get the whole i have to have a kid thing. If you were meant to have one then you would. You really shoudn't have to manipulate science just cause we can.

At the same time I don't think you are ever ready for one but it your only place to ask such a question is a bird forum...then I would say you are not ready.

Again this is just my opinion and you did say to be honest.

[sailorkelly]

I am just going to jump in here.

This may be a bird forum but we are close here. We talk about everything. From are health problems to being pooped on. To me these people are my friends and if she wants to hear from us about how we feel about having kids then she can. I know you are new but you will soon see that we are a flock here.

[loyallyroyal]

You may want to sit down with a financial couselor and talk about saving for college, budgeting for health bills, diapers, ect. (I know, not what normal people thing about when they thing kids lol)

I think feeling ready is thinking about if you could provide a good life for a child, that the child becomes the number one priority.

You may also want to discuss how you both wish to raise a child, religion, educaton: private-public-homeschool, discipline-timeouts, physical, ect, and all those details.

Have you discussed adoption?

[kali]

I would love to adopt! I don't think i have the greatest genes, and if luke and i had a baby i can't see it being cute! lol! (that sounds awful but it's true)

And a whole nine months of no alcohol, plus more if you breast feed! Gosh, i might just be really selfish, but i guess that means i'm just not ready! hahaha...

[jdlilfan]

My advice is to just be sure both of you are on the same page about everything. Don't rush into anything because you feel that you have an issue that can pose a fertility problem down the road. There's always the adoption option.

My parents had me when they were 38 & 40. My mom always says she would have had a lot more energy when she was younger to take care of a kid, but I never felt deprived of anything. I had a great childhood! And while I really enjoyed having older parents, I won't have as much time with them as if they had me when they were younger. :(

It's just something that's a Catch-22. I personally doubt I'll have kids, just don't have any desire. Well...maybe I'll have just *one* and send it to a good school so he/she can make money and put me up in a nice retirement home in my old age! Haha! My birds can't do that!