Goodbye Moby. I Love You.

[CosmosMouse]

Just typing the title makes me feel really bad.

A while back I got my budgie, and then following that I happened upon BirdBoard just by looking up various bird foods, etc. So I signed up. It's been a while since I've been here, but my Moby has passed away only yesterday. And I felt like I didn't have anywhere to go to talk about it or anything.

Over a year ago he ran into a problem where he had an infection, but it was quickly cleared medically. And soon after he developed a tumor that made it difficult for him to eat (this wasn't good because he had a bad stomach in the 1st place). He wasn't in great health and I knew that, but I tried my hardest to take care of him the best I could. Even though he had eating problems I got him special food and ground it up fine for him, and he enjoyed it. With all the issues he had, he seemed like such a happy bird, and always seemed to come to me when he felt scared or sicker than normal.

The other day when I was eating dinner he flew over and landed on my shoulder and just looked at me. I could tell it was as if he was trying to tell me something along the lines of "I feel extra tired." So I helped him to his cage and put him next to his baby (a small plastic alien toy he loved), and he went to sleep. Then yesterday before having to go out of town for the day he was still sleepy, and I could tell he was weaker than normal. Every now and again he got like this, but he seemed worse than normal.... so I gave him his favorite heating pad, his baby, fresh food, and everything he loved so he could get some rest. When I came home he was peeking out to see us coming in. So I said hello and pet him, checked everything and it looked like he was doing slightly better so I covered him for the night.

An hour passed and while I was on my way for a drink I looked in at him, and he was gone. It was almost like he waited for me to get home so he could finally rest and pass away. Even though I expected something like this to happen for a while now seeing he had several conditions, it was still a shock. Our years of friendship were over.

I could hardly handle the day today after about 3 hours of sleep last night. I finally got the courage to place him and his favorite toy in a small box, and then without him... I traveled to a nearby forest to check if there were any soft areas in the ground I could lay him to rest. With the -20 weather everything is solid as a rock, so I have to keep him out on my deck and figure out what to do and if the weather will heat up enough. I cleaned everything up, and placed his cage in the closet.... but now there's a big empty spot where he was on the table, AND in my heart. I tried to put a globe there to distract me, but it didn't work at all.

My girlfriend and my mom both said that I could "get another bird" if I wanted, and even suggested that it might be a good idea. But just thinking about that makes me sad and angry.... and I don't want another bird to try and take his place or something. And I feel like I might never want another bird ever again. I know it's too soon to think about another bird, and too soon to try and forget Moby. But I feel like I'm never going to be able to shake being upset. I thought I was adult and could hold myself together though this, but I've become a 33 year old emotional wreck of a man.

I'll miss his bouncing, and how he loved to talk to himself in the mirror.

I love my moby so much, and I know he's actually in a better place now. But it's so sad he had to go and it's just hard to think of him as not being around.

[LMPego]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It certainly sounds like your Moby was loved. Take your time to mourn him and when the time is right to get another companion, you'll feel it.
I'm so glad you found us here and know that you can turn to everyone here for support in your time of need.

[stepht25]

I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss. Sounds like Mobey really knew he was loved! They really do find a way into our hearts and it will take time to heal some of your pain. You don't have to forget - but in time you'll be able to think back to all the good memories you had with him. It will always hurt some. Don't feel like you have to be ashamed of grieving over your loss. It only shows that you truly loved Mobey and that you are a kind and caring person. There is certainly no shame in that! We're all here for you, whatever you need. I pray that your memories of your time with Mobey help to heal your heart.

[catschair]

Mobey was very lucky to find someone as caring as you are to make his life happy. If it helps, there are a lot of us who have felt the same emptiness that you are feeling and come out the other side. When the wound has healed a bit, maybe you will find another bird who needs you in their life & vice versa. My condolences.

[kathleen]

Of course, it's difficult to replace something you love before you finish grieving. Remember, this process is normal and unfortunately doesn't happen overnight. Everyone grieves it doesn't matter if your an adult or not. Your girlfriend is lucky to find such a sensitive man.

[dgcashier]

I'm so very sorry. I lived with budgies all my life and I know they find a little hole in your heart and fill it completely. But one day you will wake up and decide that it way too quiet in your house and you'll know it's time.

[Araki]

May you have strength at this moment of loss. Hope you give a home to another bird soon.

[habs71]

I feel for you..we lost our Lenny just about a year ago. Died in my wife's arms while we were rushing to the AV. She tried mouth to mouth and massaging his chest but to no avail.

I thought I was adult and could hold myself together though this, but I've become a 33 year old emotional wreck of a man.

I too became very emotional..and I'm in my 60s. That's what happens when one loses a loved one.

We now have Sydney and loving him as we did Lenny. I hope some time in the future you will decide to get another fid and shower it with the love you have to give.

Again, our condolences.


Skip, Donna & Sydney

[trtldove76]

I am sorry for your loss. It is very sad to have such a good friend leave us. Just remember time will heal. You will not forget your friend but it wont hurt as bad in time.

[CosmosMouse]

I would like to thank everyone for their replies.

It's been a few rough days, and today my mother who refused to show any signs of grief about it decided to accept it and cry the way I did. She figured she didn't want to make me feel any worse than I already felt I guess. But it's good to get it out, and starting here last night was the best thing I could have done. It won't cure all the pain, but it does help to a degree just to talk about it.

So thank you again.