My sweet girl: 11/17/93 - 6/28/08

[Tishrei]

I hope this is okay to post here. My baby died but she is not a bird but a potbelly pig who was with me for 14 1/2 years. I had her since she was a little piglet and she changed my life. I haven't been able to talk about it for a long time because it hurt so bad. Here is something I wrote about her. It's long but it is how she changed my life. I'm attaching a picture. She was with me before my wonderful Severe Macaw, Ducky, came to live with me. She accepted my bird even though my bird did not accept her. She really was a sweet creature that made an impact on my life. I still cry over her.

Tulip, my sweet little piggy, you may be gone but you had an impact that will last for the rest of my life. You came into this world in November 1993 and I found you three months later as a scared little piglet in a pet store. Your first day home with me, you just lay there scared but you let me hold you, you seemed to know that I was going to love you and you would take hold of my heart in a very short while. You grew to trust me and once you did, you took my heart by storm. You forever changed my life and taught me so many things about patience, love, trust, acceptance, gentleness and much more than I can possibly think of. You were in my life for a mere 14½ wonderful years and then you went away to be where sweet piggies go.

You taught me patience when you learned to open the refrigerator and help yourself – oh the day I came home very late from work, tired and wanting nothing more than to go to sleep and found you had cleaned out my refrigerator making a huge mess. I learned patience because you did what all piggies love to do; you found a way to get to food. How could I be mad at you? You were having such a good time with this prize you found that all I could do was shoo you away while I stayed up and cleaned up the mess. There are many things you did that taught me patience. Yes, Tulip my sweet piggy, you taught me patience.

Tulip, you taught me acceptance. When I took care of other animals, you accepted them. When I had bunnies in the yard, you accepted them. While you were eating, one bunny would put her head in your food bowl and eat with you, you accepted her and let her share your food, food that you loved. You learned to share not only your food, you accepted other animals that came into our lives and accepted that they would also receive from me what once only you received. You even accepted Ducky who did not accept you. You had the ability to take his life when he bit you, but being the sweet and loving creature you are you did not but simply waited for me to move him away from you. Not once did you try and harm him, you went out of your way to avoid him. When other critters came here, whether for a short time or permanently, you did what most piggies did NOT do, you did not try and establish your dominance. You simply accepted them as part of our home.

You taught me trust when you trusted me unconditionally even when I made mistakes or caused you pain. You trusted me when I took you to the vet and had the staples removed for you came right to me even though you knew that I took you there. You trusted me even after you were burned by boiling water even though you thought I was punishing you. Remember the time when you were underfoot in the kitchen and you wouldn’t get out of my way, you kept nudging me? Finally while I was lifting the lid to the boiling pot of water and moving the lid to the sink, the condensation of boiling water dripped on your back just as I yelled for you to move and you ran and screamed possibly thinking I burned you as a punishment. But you let me hold you and fix your burn; you did not flinch but trusted me. Remember the time when you heard my footsteps and waited by the front door as I was opening it? I did not know you were right on the other side when, because my arms were full, I unlocked the door and sort of kicked it open, hitting you right in the snout and causing you pain. You let me hug you and say I’m sorry because you trusted me. You loved and trusted me despite me. Tulip, my sweet piggy, you taught me unconditional trust.

Tulip, you taught me compromise. You were not designed to live in a house; you were designed to live in the outdoors rooting around, raising piglets, foraging for food in the forest, taking care of your young. That was not to be your life. Instead, you came to live with me, my choice, not yours. Your nature as a pig did not leave but you had to compromise some of your nature to accommodate my lifestyle. I also compromised to accommodate you but mostly, you did the compromising for I did not leave the life I was designed to live, you did. I learned to compromise by removing from your reach things I did not want you to get into. I learned to purchase you new blankets and sheets as your nature to root your bedding always remained in you. I learned to simply put the furniture back in its place because your nature to check under every nook and cranny for food remained in you. I would come home and find the couch moved out of its place, so I simply put it back. Your compromise far exceeded mine for you learned to sleep where I wanted you to sleep, you learned to accommodate my schedule, you learned to walk on city streets and wait for me to give you the command to cross the street. You learned to live a life that God did not design you to live and you not only lived it, but lived it by giving me so much more than I ever gave you. While I accommodated your lifestyle, it was insignificant in comparison to what you accommodated for your very nature had to accommodate me. Thank you Tulip for this lesson.

Tulip, God wrote a book for us human beings. He told us what love should be. He said: “Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,” – my sweet Tulip, you embodied that. No matter what happened to you, whether I accidentally hurt you, whether you were bit by Ducky, or when you endured my many mistakes, you never retaliated, you accepted and loved. You were patient and kind. Yes Tulip, we humans needed God to write a book for us to teach us about love. You did not need a book to teach you, it was your nature. Tulip, you taught me what love should look like.

Tulip, the impact you had reaches beyond just me. Remember the lonely little boy named Alex? He would see you and me walking so he came up to us wanting to pet you. Finally, he started coming around and knocking on the door asking if you could come out and play. We got to know him as he stopped by almost every day. He had a home but no one who really cared. Because of you, I found out that he was going to graduate from elementary school and his parents were not going to show up for his graduation. I called my friends and we all attended his graduation. He saw a difference because of you. He’s an adult now; I don’t know what happened to him once we moved. But I am sure that there are times when he thinks back to his childhood and recalls the day that he would spend time with you and because of you, he saw adults that cared enough to attend his graduation. You had an impact on a young little boy without even trying.

You brought smiles to people’s faces when we would go for our walks. People came up you to and wanted to know more about you. They laughed at your silliness when you would walk into the coffee shop looking for me. You once walked into someone’s home and right into their kitchen. They heard noises in their kitchen and imagine their surprise when they found you? They laughed because you would not leave until they fed you. You brought smiles and laughter to people just by being you. You trusted people even when your nature tells you otherwise.

Tulip, I even saw a gentle side to you that I have not seen in another creature. I remember the day when we had a couple of bunnies living outside in the back yard. We were all outside and you were headed back up to go inside or to sit with me. One of the bunnies was in your way as she was sprawled out enjoying the dusk and the light sunshine coming through the trees. I immediately stood up as I did not want you to step on her and injure her. I was going to move her out of your way. I watched as you put your snout on her body, nudging her to move. She was enjoying herself and was not going to move. You kept nudging even rocking her body back and forth but she would not move. And then I witnessed the most incredible and gentle sight I have ever seen coming from a critter. I watched you as you put your snout under her body and gently lift her out of your way so you could continue your journey back up towards me. Tulip, you were gentle to a creature that was not of your species, this is the bunny that you would share your food with. My sweet Tulip, you showed me what being kind and gentle exemplifies.

[Tishrei]

Tulip, the impact and lessons you taught me have benefited others. Ducky, came into our lives in March 2003 as an abused and hurt little macaw. He wasn’t supposed to stay but go home after a couple of weeks. He never left. You accepted him even though he didn’t like you as he was a jealous little guy. From you, I learned how to take care of a creature that needed more than I would have been willing to give. The patience I learned from you benefited Ducky. Even how I deal with other human beings is a result of what I learned from you. When you took my heart, you taught me so much that all others, both human and critter, will benefit from the lessons I learned from you. I thank you.

The law of this land states that you were my property and I owned you. Truth be told, I never owned you, the fact of the matter is that you owned me. You gained ownership of me when you took my heart and wiggled your way in. I watched your life from the time you were just a mere three months old. I saw you as a critter full of energy, a zest for life, always exploring. I watched you as you took a nap under the tree in the shade. I watched you move the couch in case there was a tasty treat under it. I watched you grow older; from piglet-hood to adolescence where you slowed down just a tad bit but very much enjoyed your daily walk and the treats you would get. Finally the stairs became a bit difficult for you to negotiate so I moved to accommodate you for I loved you. I watched you as you slowly lost your sight but maintained a zest for life for your tail was always wagging and you always wanted to spend time with me. I watched you as you greeted me when I came home. I watched you as you opened up the refrigerator. I watched you as your body displayed the signs of aging, when you developed arthritis and it was difficult for you to get around. In the end, you slowed down and wanted to rest. You earned it for you gave me much more that I ever could have conceived of giving you. Yet, you would display your love and gentleness when you still would lay next to me while I lay my head on you as a pillow or you would scoop your body against mine or even simply standing there, you would lay your head against me, even when you were old and tired. You enjoyed laying in the shade outside after having your breakfast. Even your last day with me, I watched you walk down to your food bowl, your tail wagging. On that most heart breaking night, you lay down for the last time and slipped away. I found you before you had even turned cold. You looked like you were sleeping. I kept shaking you because you looked like you were sleeping.

Tulip, during your life with me, sometimes I got busy and did not spend as much time with you. Yet, you were always patient with me and gave me your love and affection despite me and accepted what I offered and did not ask for more. When I went away on vacation, you stayed home while another took care of you. You displayed your displeasure at me leaving by doing things you knew would annoy me like taking down all my CDs and stomping on them. The first time I went away and returned, you showed me your displeasure by nipping me on the ankle as I was preparing your food. I had others in my life, but I was all you had. Even so, when I did not spend as much time with you, the time you received from me, you gave back more than I ever gave you. Tulip, you are lovely, kind, patient and full of love. This is a lesson you taught me that will benefit others. I wish you would have benefited more from this painful lesson I learned from you. You, of all, deserved it. Of anything in our lives together, this I regret.

I sit outside and look at the hair you had shed. I can’t bring myself to sweep it away. I raked the last of your pig berries under the tree and they will eventually become part of the earth. Your hair on the ground will blow away when the winds come later this year and I will sit outside and watch it blow away. Time will erase traces of your short life here on earth. To preserve what I could, I cut the hair from your precious swishing tail and kept it. I have pictures of you. I have your baby teeth. I also saved, over the years, some of the hair that you would shed from your body for I knew that someday your time here would be over. I saved your blanket that has your hair imbedded in it. Even your brush that still has your hair and some of your dry skin that you liked brushed off I have saved. I saved your food and water bowl but it breaks my heart that I will never see you eat or drink out of it ever again. I won’t wash off your snout marks at the bottom of the refrigerator but eventually someday, I will get a new refrigerator and that, too, will be gone. Someday, I will eventually move from this home that we shared together. The couch that you slept on will eventually be replaced with a new couch. Even though physical traces of you will eventually be erased through time, your lessons and the essence of you will always be in my heart. For all my remaining days, you will be with me in my heart and memories. Others, both human and non human, will benefit from your lessons to me and will remain with me all my days. The hole you left in my heart, through no fault of your own, will eventually be not so painful but it will never completely go away. But know this Tulip, no matter how much time passes, for as long as I walk this earth, your life will always not only be a part of me, but will be remembered. Time can remove your DNA off of this earth, but time will not erase you out of my heart and memory. For as long as I am alive, you will be with me. I loved you too much for that to ever go away. I know I will always love you for you became a part of my heart.

Tulip, I too, shall eventually leave this earth and step into eternity just as you did. While I have more people in my life that will remember me, eventually all traces of my existence will fade away with time. Your existence will pass away when I take that inevitable journey into eternity. I am the one that loved you and when I am gone, the keepsakes that I have of you will be of no meaning to anyone other than the one who loved you. It will be the same will be with me when I leave, anything that was mine will eventually not be of any value or meaning to anyone. This is the way of life. There is “a time to give birth and a time to die” for all of creation. There is a time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance.” I now weep over losing you for you were and are much loved by me.
Tulip, I knew you were old and despite the medication I gave you to alleviate your pain, I knew you still hurt some. I did not know you were sick and ready to die. For the first time since you came to live with me, I bought two bags of your food so I would not have to run to the store so often. You were not around long enough to get through even a quarter of the first bag for on the night of June 28, 2008, you breathed your last breath. Tulip, sickness and death came upon you through the fault of humans. In the beginning, there was neither sickness nor death until humans committed the first sin, thus affecting all of creation. You paid the consequences of our sin.

Even in your death, you displayed the quality I use to describe you in my email addy--Regal Pot Belly Pig. I saw that characteristic in you years ago when I wanted to use you somehow in my email addy. On your last day with me, you walked happily down to the yard to eat your breakfast. That evening, I was allowed to spend some time with you. You waited till I was inside and quietly slipped away. Yes Tulip, you were regal and noble both in your life and in your death. There are some that will ridicule me if they read this. There are some that did ridicule me because I loved you. I don’t mind being ridiculed over you for it was I that knew you, they did not. You were not “just a pig” as some would say, you were a creature created by God that did not possess the many faults that we humans possess. You, Tulip, were the epitome of kindness, gentleness towards others and gave me nothing but love and your companionship. I remember when you even tried to protect me when you thought I was in danger.

Oh my sweet and dear Tulip, when all is said and done, you made an impact that will last all my days. Goodbye my sweet and regal girl, be happy and be at peace. I think of you in a special place where the consequences of human sin does not affect you, I think of you in a body that is without pain and that you are romping around doing what you were designed to do. I hope to see you again where death will not separate us. I wish I could express how much I hope God will allow me to see you again when my time here is over. Thank you for being part of my life. I only regret not giving you more of what you deserved. You asked for nothing but deserved much more than I ever gave you. I never imagined in all my days that it was possible to love a creature outside of my own species as much as I loved you. I love you Tulip. I really, really do, and I always will.

Love always,
Your human companion,

[MiniMama]

this is so sweet! I'm very sorry for your loss. I found your letter really heart breaking, but also touchingly funny as you recalled some of your favorite stories about Tulip. What a lucky soul she was to have found you. I believe all animals are waiting for us when it is our turn, which is so comforting.

[catschair]

What a lovely tribute. A friendship like that is not limited by the boundaries between this world and the next. Tulip is waiting for you. Run free, little one

[Tishrei]

Thanks -- I still weep over losing her. I wrote that shortly after she died but was not able to look at it until more recently. She was an intregal and very important part of my life and my heart for 14 1/2 years. In the end, she was old, tired but still had a zest even the day she breathed her last. I remember several hours before she died, I was brusing her and she was enjoying it. She was trying to expose as much of her belly as she could so I could rub it. Then I went inside. Later that evening, I went outside to bring her in for the evening. She slept on the couch and I was ready to go to bed. She had fallen asleep and breathed her last right out there in the yard at her favorte resting place. I just sat there on the ground with my hands on her weeping realizing that she was gone forever from me. She looked like she was sleeping.

[SisterBlue]

I'm in tears. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful journey through life. Run free sweet piggie...and may the fridge in heaven always be full.

-SB

[canadiansunshine]

They are truly special parts of our family aren't they! My husband was saying the other day he would never have believed he would have 2 pigs running around the house.
So sorry about your loss!

[Tishrei]

Oh gosh guys, everyone is so wonderful. There is nothing better than to share something about our critter family than with other people who understand how a critter can take over our hearts. Thank you.

[MusicalFeathers]

Oh....its so joyous to hear the unexplainable love and joy that animals can bring to us. She will remain with you for eternity and I'm sure her soul remains bright like the sun and happier than ever for the experience she has had with you.
She's with you...thanks for sharing that beautiful writing.

[Laura65177]

That made me tear up too.

It's amazing how much animals can really touch you throughout your life and others.

You were blessed to have known Tulip for 14 1/2 years.
What an amazing pig!