Just Yesterday...

[MyBelovedDollyToby]

My family and I all lost our most important thing in our lives yesterday and it still is coming as a shock...Dolly, our wonderful female cockatiel of 11 years, passed away at the vet hospital we left her at a few days prior. The doctor had found a millet seed stuck in her airway, preformed surgery and everything went fine. The next day, I guess, it was just too hard for her to breathe on her own, and so she passed away in the loving hands of the doctor, being held until her last breath was taken. She has been sick so many times in the time we've had her, but she's always pulled through, so we thought nothing, really, of this operation...(our own little miracle bird..)My mom and I had been out of town when we got the phone call and we are the most hit by this news..but even my father, who had shown no real affection towards her, cried as we talked to him on the phone...this whole experience has just been..beyond heartbreaking...

What makes the situation harder is that she has also left behind her soulmate, (and I truly mean soulmate), Toby, our male cockatiel. I still think he thinks she's going to come home, and that's what we all were expecting, but now...I don't know..he flies around and chirps and yells and sings for her, and it breaks my heart further to know she'll never answer...

I guess, all in all, I'm looking for advice...for myself, my family and especially Toby. My mom says we need to show him Dolly so he understands that she's gone, but I'm not so sure myself if that's the best way...and we're not sure now what to do with Toby. Of course we want to keep him, but we don't know if we should introduce another cockatiel later on or if he'll be fine alone...we're all unsure...

It's very hard for me to write this, but I think it might be the first, tiniest step towards acceptance for all of us...thank you for your reading and posting...God bless..

[hollyhawkz]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. You're still pretty raw, give yourself a little time to make decisions as to what to do for Toby. As for showing Dolly to Toby, I wouldn't presume to know.... Do what you feel is right in your hearts. Birds loose their mates in the wild and carry on, so I hope the best for Toby.

All the best for you and your family at this time of loss.

[MyBelovedDollyToby]

Originally Posted by hollyhawkz

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. You're still pretty raw, give yourself a little time to make decisions as to what to do for Toby. As for showing Dolly to Toby, I wouldn't presume to know.... Do what you feel is right in your hearts. Birds loose their mates in the wild and carry on, so I hope the best for Toby.

All the best for you and your family at this time of loss.

Thank you so much for your reply and concern...it's been only a few days, but it still feels like it happened yesterday..we did end up showing Dolly to him and it was truly the saddest thing we had to experience, but I think it was best for him to know..he took awhile to come close to see her, but once he did, he was quiet for the whole time until we took her away, and sung a few times for her, trying to wake her up. Since then, he's still been doing the same: flying around and singing everytime he lands. You can tell that he's just not the same bird with her being gone...but hopefully he'll take our love someday and bond closer to us all.

I seem to be rambling, but it does help a little to let it out, so I apologize...but thank you again for giving me a chance to let my heart empty for a little while. Best wishes to you, too.

[becca623]

I'm very sorry you love your beloved Dolly. I would show the body to Toby. I do that. I think it gives them some closure too.

[MyBelovedDollyToby]

Originally Posted by becca623

I'm very sorry you love your beloved Dolly. I would show the body to Toby. I do that. I think it gives them some closure too.

Thank you...and yes, we did show her to him. I have to say it was something that made us all immediately tear up as soon as he started to realize that he couldn't wake her up with his singing...but I do believe that it did help him to understand that she is gone...I just hope he'll turn out ok..you can still just see the sorrow in his eyes, his voice, and face, especially when he goes to bed at night...my poor baby boy..

[RubyMuse]

I am so sorry for your loss. Dolly was lucky to be so loved for so long - it is rare, especially these days when so many seem to be parting with their animals early on. I recently lost my finch. I have a few birds from large to small but I value the lives of each bird just the same and was extremely distraut when my little finch passed away. I too showed her mate her body so he would understand where she was and not keep calling for her. It is a tough but kind thing to do, I think.

I am always amazed how animals can touch us so deeply, how we can grieve so painfully when they pass, and how we can heal enough to open our hearts again and decide that the experience of knowing and loving them is worth the time when we will seem to lose them. I feel that the Spirit of all things God made lives on and so there is never really loss...

Take care.

[hollyhawkz]

My apologies to assume, but it feels like you will be eventually getting another tiel to keep Toby Company.

When you are ready.... if Toby is the type of boy you can take outside with you, maybe you can take him to a clutch of tiels that are ready to go and let him pick a new friend. Make sure the place is reputable and disease free of course. Just an idea.....

I hope you all are doing well.

I just want to say thank you for this knowledge. If, God Forbid, anything were to happen to one of ours, then I know the right thing to do is to show the other one. Thank you for sharing that lesson at such a hard time.

[MyBelovedDollyToby]

Thank you...(I seem to be saying that alot..) and I am so sorry for your loss..it is weird how those little birds make such big places in our hearts, isn't it? But I'm glad they do..they're like little angels on earth for us.

I. too, believe that she is not truly gone; she has just left the physical earth world and I know that now she is happy, young, healthy and flying beautifully..I think that my belief system, in that regard, helps me each day, even though I am still very torn up that it has happened...she seemed like she would live forever, you know? She had been through so much...but at least now she can be with me wherever I go...

As for showing Toby, we thought it would be the best thing anyway, but what helped my decision in liking that idea was that I actually found something on the internet when specifically searching for it being ok. It said that it helps the grieving process along (for any animal), so whatever I could do to help my Little Man, I was willing to do...even though he is still singing 24/7, I think he understands...he's such a strong-willed bird, though, that I think he might be taking on denial of the whole situation...but I know he'll pull through in some time..

Thank you to all of you..you truly have made it possible for me to empty my heart and talk to someone about all of this and make me feel better..I really do appreciate your kindness.

[red192]

I'm so sorry for your loss!

[MyBelovedDollyToby]

Thank you.